Making friends with strangers is killing me.
I think I’m willing to walk out of my comfort zone, well, most of the time.
I know I am going to learn something every time I’m out of my comfort zone and I do. Still, there are times that just so awkward and unpleasant that I choose to stick to my own little circle. However, I regret every time I give up trying getting out of that circle.
Take making friends with strangers for instance. Most of the time I’m comfortable to make the first move when I knew that person are “my kind of people.” But when it comes to people of a different gender, or people older than me, or just “person who don’t dress and act like me”, I step back. And sometimes, I hurt people’s feeling.
It’s wierd because I keep telling myself, “Get your butt up and make friends with different people from you!!” when at the same time I think, “Why trying when they don’t even welcome me.”
The truth is, I finally figure it out after so many awkward time (No. Actually, I knew it all along. I’m just too proud of myself to admit that.), I’m scared of being rejected.
I’m scared of being ignored and scared of embarrassing myself. I’m scared of being laughed at about how awkward I am. I’m scared of how people will talk about me behind my back after I talk to them. Most of all, I’M SCARED OF BEING ALONE.
I just care too much about how people think about me.
It’s wierd because I do know it doesn’t matter how others think about me.
So, here’s a promise to myself. Next time I have a chance to make friends with people that’s “not my kind”, I’ll go fully for it.
It’s not even about fitting in. It’s facing my fear. Or, it’s following my fear.
Whoa! I feel so much easier after typing it out loud.