Just Hold On…

I am a suicide survivor and I am also a person who lost a loved one to this terrible disease. Over the last 3 decades, I have been shocked with the news of too many who saw only one way out of their pain.

Sadly, I lost another distant friend this past summer who couldn’t hang on any longer. Her pain was too great. I had not seen or spoken to her in nearly 8 years, but her departure shook me to the core. I flew out to her resting place and as I was honoring her, another life was being stolen from this terrible thief of life. A mother from my local mommy community was receiving unimaginably painful news of her husband’s death.

I have seen both sides. I know both sides. I understand both sides. I have come face to face with the devil himself. I stand here today to proudly say that I kicked that evil bastard straight between the eyeballs. I humbly share with you that divine intervention and some very patient and loving friends caught me when I couldn’t hang on anymore. I still can’t help but wonder “WHY ME?”. How did I survive? Why did I survive? Why them and not me?

The questions started to creep up under my skin and I cried… a lot. I felt anxious. I felt confused. I even felt that familiar feeling of depression and hopelessness creep back in to my soul. I returned home from honoring my friend and couldn’t shake it. Why couldn’t they just hang on a little while longer…