An Essay on Joji’s “Slow Dancing in the Dark”
Love Songs Say So Much
Slow Dancing in the Dark — Joji
[Verse 1]
I don’t want a friend (Just one more night)
I want my life in two (My life in two)
Please one more night
Waiting to get there
Waiting for you (Waiting for you)
Just one more night
I’m done fighting all night
[Pre-Chorus 1]
When I’m around slow dancing in the dark
Don’t follow me, you’ll end up in my arms
You done made up your mind
I don’t need no more signs
Can you?
Can you?
[Chorus]
Give me reasons we should be complete
You should be with him, I can’t compete
You looked at me like I was someone else, oh well
Can’t you see? (Can’t you see?)
I don’t wanna slow dance (I don’t wanna slow dance)
In the dark, dark
[Verse 2]
When you gotta run
Just hear my voice in you (My voice in you)
Shutting me out you (Shutting me out)
Doing so great (So great, so great)
You
[Pre-Chorus 2]
Used to be the one to hold you when you fall
Yeah, yeah, yeah (When you fall, when you fall)
I don’t f***with your tone (I don’t f*** with your tone)
I don’t wanna go home (I don’t wanna go home)
Can it be one night?
Can you?
Can you?
[Chorus]
Give me reasons we should be complete
You should be with him, I can’t compete
You looked at me like I was someone else, oh well
Can’t you see?
I don’t wanna slow dance (I don’t wanna slow dance)
In the dark, dark
In the dark, dark
Questions:
1) How does this love song speak to the desire we have to form intimate connections?
Creating meaningful relationships is one of the great joys in life, and no connection is as intimate as the one shared between lovers. Joji invariably tows the line between self destructive, poisonous and toxic relationships and real, heartfelt love. Slow Dancing in the Dark is a lovesick ode to a dying relationship. Through the lyrics and a video he posted on YouTube explaining the lyrics, one can tell that George Miller (Joji’s real name) is speaking from his own personal experience. But, before speaking about the lyrics and the song itself, it’s important to define what an intimate connection is. Intimacy can be defined as closeness or familiarity; comfort borne out of being around another human being which can lead to strong friendships, romantic encounters, and even long-term relationships.
As listeners, the first thing we hear is a dark, romantic, almost 80’s synth-pop beat that creates a palpable mood for the entire song. It evokes memories of a retro love ballad from the time of our parents — but with an updated and modern twist. Upon hearing the song for the first time, it is almost inevitable to expect lyrics about love; but the love Joji is speaking to is not one that is commonplace. Joji speaks about being in such a dark place in your own mind, that you are willing to undertake a toxic relationship just to make yourself feel better — if only for a fleeting moment. “When I’m around slow dancing in the dark, Don’t follow me, you’ll end up in my arms” which shows that he is lonely and in need, yet apprehensive to engage with someone he loves. Joji exemplifies this innate desire we have as humans to have a connection — any kind of intimate connection — even if it means doing something that could lead to our demise. Joji tries to rationalize breaking up by saying there are better men than him. He says, “You should be with him, I can’t compete” yet he rescinds these statements by once again inciting his deep, dark, and soul-crushing loneliness at the end of the song “I don’t wanna slow dance (I don’t wanna slow dance); In the dark, dark; In the dark, dark”. There is an old saying that if you love someone, you set them free. Joji, in the end, is willing to forego his principles of true love in order to indulge in his primal desires.
The lyrics take an all or nothing approach to love. It is either they are with love or without it, no in between; together or apart. Although Joji thinks they are better apart, he is resigned to endure the toxicity with the one he loves. As someone who has been following Joji for many years, the underlying theme of his music becomes clear: love is apparent, even when things get dark.
2) How does the love song reflect the impact of societal expectations on the relationship?
In many ways Joji’s modern interpretation of a ballad reflects how romantic relationships are portrayed in popular culture today. In the music video, Joji is a Faun — a mythical creature of half man and half goat — shot by Cupid’s arrow. This symbolizes the fact he has been transformed or even mutated by the trauma of the relationship, but that he is so deeply struck by the love of Cupid’s arrow, that he is willing to do anything to get back on his lover’s side:
“You done made up your mind
I don’t need no more signs
Can you?
Give me reasons we should be complete”
In many modern-day relationships we can see the complete agony of a breakup, how it can change a person and lead them to desperation. Sometimes, we are so struck by love that we can be blinded. In Joji’s case, it is obviously unrequited love that consumes him — one that is rooted in meaninglessness, and yet so easy to give in to. But once he is on that road to winning her back, he starts to have doubts and begins to once again fear rejection:
“When you gotta run
Just hear my voice in you (My voice in you)
Shutting me out you (Shutting me out)
Doing so great (So great, so great)”
In essence, the concept Joji speaks to in this song is the idea of falling for someone despite being “friendzoned”. It is directed towards someone who is a friend, “I don’t want a friend (Just one more night); I want my life in two (My life in two)” yet is someone who Joji wants more from. “Waiting for you (Waiting for you); Just one more night”
In today’s notion of dating and romance, friends can have intimate encounters, yet still remain just that — friends. Joji opposes this concept, citing his eagerness for an emotional connection. “Please one more night; Waiting to get there”. Although they have been intimate with one another, that does not necessarily mean they are together. In conclusion, Joji explains his casual relationship with someone he has feelings for. Although he knows they are bad for each other — the girl using him, and him having his feelings hurt — he still indulges in the fling because he truly loves her. Despite fighting hard against his inner demons, he eventually surrenders himself wholly to his love in the end.
3) How does the love song reflect the psychological importance of love in intimate relationships?
There is a grave sense of desperation not just from the lyrics, but also the general mood in the song, music video, and album art, which shows that Slow Dancing in the Dark is not your typical love song. A theme of unrequited love emerges which is typical with a lot of Joji’s music. The importance lies in the fact that we should never give one person so much importance that it changes the way we see our self worth. For some people, romantic love can seem like the be-all and end-all of an intimate relationship. But, there are so many other factors to happiness other than romantic love that define a person. For example, intimacy within familial settings, love between friends, companionship; success and accomplishment; helping others. In today’s world of social media and pop culture, it’s easy to see a mischaracterized emphasis on casual encounters, “hook-ups” and “friends with benefits” that we often forget how important it is to have love in an intimate relationship. What we have learned from Joji’s music, in particular this song, is that if you decide to love someone, you must do it whole-heartedly and with full commitment. He argues there is no use for a meaningless relationship, because once you have found love, there is no substitute. He reiterates in his lyrics, aura, and persona that there is nothing casual about falling in love.
“You looked at me like I was someone else, oh well
Can’t you see?
I don’t wanna slow dance (I don’t wanna slow dance)
In the dark, dark
In the dark, dark”
4) How does the love song reflect the passion intimacy, and commitment Sternberg describes as part of every romantic relationship?
From what we can see in Joji’s relationship with his lover, almost every part of the triangular theory of love is present. There is definitely an intimacy component (signified by the dancing), there is a passionate component (“Used to be the one to hold you when you fall”), and there is a commitment component (signified by Joji’s undying love and loyalty symbolized by Cupid’s arrow). The one part that is missing is commitment from the other party — hence Joji’s unrequited love. This is a very difficult position to be in and despite being very close to true love, it does not meet Sternberg’s criteria.
The passion Joji feels towards his lover is seen in these lyrics:
“Waiting for you (Waiting for you)
Just one more night
I’m done fighting all night”
It indicates he is willing to forget the past in order to move forward. Joji’s strong romantic feelings for this person has caused him to look past the fact that they don’t feel the same way.
The intimacy in the lyrics come from the beat — the fact that you can dance rhythmically and sing along easily to the slow cadence of the song.
Lastly, the commitment is something that is implied. Joji’s burning desire has blinded him to the perils of unrequited love and his search for intimacy has left him feeling alone, in a dark and desperate place.
So, what then, is true love? True love is when the feeling is mutual — reciprocal — something Joji yearns for so deeply in this song, but tragically never receives. In his song “Yeah Right”, Joji delves deeper into this subject, and we are introduced to a self-destructive side of him that we aren’t accustomed to. This inevitably leads him to experiencing many more one-sided relationships and heartbreak.
