From Ignorance to Incompetence, how many pains would you suffer?

I’m a young man who is incompetent, at least I think so. When we think that a young man has nothing, it’s normal, because we believe that a young man has potentiality to change his situation. But when a man is ignorant, how could he face his future?

I’m thinking about that for many years. From pains to vapidity.

Because I’m ignorant.

Five years ago, I could do nothing, and now I still could do nothing. Things become vapid from my eyes gradually. And I have tried many times to find the solution. Even five years, I fell into abyss again and again. Someone called that depression, and exactly speaking, it’s Avoidant Personality Disorder.

In fact, I couldn’t describe that clearly. It looks like insurmountable destiny, I could never set myself free from that.

There are someone said that: Lessons as I have learned, I still can’t live a happy life as the lessons said. How could one define the “learned”? If one’s minds are from instinct, how could he truly learned the lessons?

That’s what I say, one’s ignorance created one’s incompetence. I’m controlled by some feelings. As long as these feelings exist, everything seems bleak. When I truly found that, it has been 5 years, and has become my instinct.

I have ever thought I have learned many lessons. And it’s impressive at that time, it seems that I would have a good day tomorrow. Actually, I forgot everything within a few days. I never stop finding ways to solve my issues.

For me, maybe learning is the best way. Just learn what I can, though I couldn’t do what I could do. I deeply know, nothing could bury my panic from my heart, even so, I don’t want to tag myself: you just a man who deserve it.

One is ignorant, but he couldn’t live with that. He is suffering, for his ignorance, and then he would be hurt by his incompetence. No one know how long would it last. Maybe a whole life.

I told myself, just keep learning, just do it.

I told myself, I only hope, that I have done from now on, just for not living without soul.