Journal #1

A day like many days, gloomy cold and lonely, same old same old. I had been 6 months pregnant at the time life had felt never ending. Although at the time I was homeless, broke, just in all unable to provide for myself nothing else in the world had mattered. The soft yet hard kicks of my gorgeous daughter had kept me sane. It is because of my daughter of where I am and who I am today. I was young and I was in love the 2 most dangerous things you could be, especially combined together. Rob had been someone I envisioned in my life forever. From the beginning I believed we were 2 young souls deep in passionate love willing to do anything for each other. It is when we had lost everything and he started caring for himself less, the lack of energy to find a job, the lack of hygiene and the lack of love he had for me. I had his growing fetus inside me doubling in size week by week the days came closer to her arrival to this world, and still in deep infatuation with this man I couldn’t give myself and my daughter what we really deserved. A roof over our heads, a warm bed, clean clothes, a consistent bath, or even food. Every cold dark night I endured I always built the strength to talk to myself and try to leave, but as I had glanced at his resting face looking at him sleeping with his medium to loud snores I wondered the consequences for not only myself but our daughter if I left. Then there it was again my silent cry and sleepless night as I was once again unable to slip off onto the dark night and never return. I stayed about and stared at the stars imagining how much I had just wanted to give my daughter the world. She had not been asked to be born so I knew the best thing to do was give her my all, every last bit of me, the littlest fight left in me I had to do it for her. Finally in late October I finally had the courage a night we had been sleeping in the small cold tent as it had been raining I got myself together and left and till this day I had never looked back. I didn’t realize how much better my life had been since that night and how comfortable and much better my daughter and I live now. I give her everything I got and to her its more than enough, although she is yet to walk or even talk and communicate with me I know one day she’ll understand what I did was best for her.