The 15 Most Unusual Patron Saints

There’s a Catholic saint for all occasions

12 min readDec 20, 2020

I recently read a story about an Italian teenager who is on track to become the Catholic patron saint of the Internet. Carlo Acutis, who passed away in 2006 at the tender age of 15, once programmed his home computer to catalog miracles and was even credited with a miracle of his own — allegedly healing a Brazilian boy who recovered from a rare illness after being prayed for by the teenager. Carlo will be beatified by the Catholic Church in Assisi, Italy, in October this year — the final step before sainthood.

Forgive me for thinking it strange that the internet needs a patron saint. Growing up a good evangelic boy, I was unaware of the full extent of the Catholic tradition to appoint heavenly advocates who have the capacity to intercede on behalf of those who pray in his or her name.

I was taught that I had just one advocate in Heaven: Jesus. The Catholic Church, on the other hand, recognizes about 10,000 saints, according to the Pew Research Center, all of whom can apparently grant you access to our heavenly father. Saint Carlo will soon be one of them.

The Patron Saint of Drowning

If you ever find yourself swimming against the tide, then simply offer up a heavenly petition to St. Adjutor. Legend has it that St. Adjutor escaped his Islamic captors during the First Crusade by swimming all the way to France. Now, he’s the patron saint of swimmers and those in danger of drowning.

The Patron Saint of Advertising and Public Relations

Forget costly and time consuming SEO optimization for your business or blog posts. Simply pray to St. Bernardino of Siena — a man so well-known for his crowd-pleasing public preaching in the early 15th century, that he’s now considered the patron saint of advertising and public relations.

The Patron Saint of Motorcyclists

When I came of age, my mother expressly forbade me from ever learning to ride a motorcycle which she referred to as a ‘death trap.’ If only she’d known about St. Columbanus who spent so much of the 6th and 7th century roaming around Europe — that his love of the open road led to him being appointed the patron saint of motorcyclists.

The Patron Saint of Ugly People

If you find yourself looking at a hideously ugly person every time you confront a mirror, do not despair. Simply offer your prayer to St. Drogo — a man so afflicted by a mystery ailment that apparently made him so physically repulsive, he’s now the patron saint of unattractive people. Quite bizarrely, he is also the patron saint of coffee shops.

The Patron Saint of Breast Feeding

St. Giles is said to have lived as a hermit in the south of France in the later 7th century, nourishing himself only with the milk of a female deer. Because of that — as well as being the patron saint of the city of Edinburgh — St. Giles is also the patron saint of breastfeeding. How very typical of the church to appoint a man to this role.

The Patron Saint of Difficult Marriages

Marriage on the rocks? Never fear! Just offer up your prayer to St. Gummarus of Belgium — an 8th century figure whose wife, a local noblewoman named Guinmarie, was known for her petulant and abusive behavior. Despite Gummarus’s attempts to salvage their relationship, they separated — and he went on to found an abbey at Lier. Not surprisingly, he also became the patron saint of difficult marriages, even though he was unable to save his own.

The Patron Saint of Murderers (and Clowns)

My seven-year-old daughter would say that it is no coincidence that St Julian is the patron saint of both murderers and clowns, since she is convinced that clowns, in general, are creepy and out to get her.

St. Julian was famous for the fact that he opened a hostel for travelers and dedicated his life to providing hospitality for the sick and needy — but only after he’d killed his parents. Of course, he was remorseful later as one often is after killing one’s own parents. Definitely Saint material!

Photo by Robson Hatsukami Morgan on Unsplash

The Patron Saint of Ice Skating

Ice skating is one hobby that I could never quite get the hang of. Perhaps a prayer to the patron saint of ice skating would have done the trick? St. Lidwina fell while ice skating at the age of 15 and never fully recovered from her injuries. After living a life of piety, her grave became a site of pilgrimage and after her canonization, she became the patron saint of ice skaters.

The Patron Saint of Headaches

Who hasn’t prayed for God to take away a headache at some point? In 258AD, during the persecution under Emperor Decius, St. Denis, the first bishop of Paris, was imprisoned, tortured, and beheaded. St Denis then gave new meaning to the phrase, ‘getting ahead of oneself’ when legend has it that his headless body carried his severed head away from his own execution, walking several miles while preaching a sermon on repentance. Now that would get my attention. Not surprisingly, he now has the honor of being the patron saint of headaches.

The Patron Saint of Disappointing Children

Ever been to the grocery store with your three-year-old, only to have them embarrass you with a tantrum because you won’t buy them candy? Take heart. St. Clotilde is the patron saint of disappointing children.

The wife of a King, who she was able to win to the Christian faith, St. Clotilde never had much luck in turning her children in decent human beings. After the death of hear husband, all the kids fought unceasingly over who should take the throne. Finally, fed up with them, St. Clotilde did what any good mother might do: She abandoned her children to their own fate and moved to France, where she spent the rest of her life caring for the poor and the sick.

The Patron Saint of Bearded Ladies

Personally, I don’t know too many bearded ladies, but it is nice that the Catholic church is being so accommodating of minorities in providing for this small, but oft-neglected, group of long-suffering women. St. Wilgefortis is an obvious choice for this patronage given that her distinguishing feature was apparently a rather large beard.

The Patron Saint of Comedians

Before becoming a believer, Genesuis used to get a real kick out of appearing as an actor in satirical plays designed to make fun of Christians. He apparently converted to Christianity on stage in the middle of a show when he saw an apparition of Jesus Christ in the flesh. Therefore St Genesuis is not only the patron saint of comedians, but of actors and performers in general.

The Patron Saint of Occultists

As strange as it might seem, the Catholic church has even appointed a patron saint for people who worship Satan. How useful.

Before converting to Christianity, St. Cyprian was a pagan sorcerer who dealt with the devil. Legend has it that Cyprian wasn’t all that great with the ladies and when he fell in love with a Christian woman named Justina he thought it best to use his mastery of the dark arts to try to win her hand by casting spells and incantations in her general direction. However, Justina apparently repelled his advances using the the sign of the cross. Cyprian was so impressed that he left his life as a wiccan and became a priest and bishop, while his non-sexual friendship with Justina grew.

There’s nothing like a redemptive story where the ‘Lord Voldemort of the middle ages’ succumbs to the power of the cross. It’s no wonder St. Cyprian became the patron saint of witches, sorcerers, and spiritual workers in general.

The Patron Saint of Fireworks

St. Barbara was daughter to a wealthy heathen father who took exception to her conversion to Christianity and sought to have her beheaded. However, before he could carry out his plans, he was struck by lightning and killed.

Because of the death of her persecutor, St. Barbara was first invoked during thunderstorms, then against sudden deaths in general. Soon after, somebody invented gunpowder and artillery, creating a whole industry where accidental sudden death was a daily risk. Then, BOOM! St. Barbara was suddenly the go-to saint for all explosion-based activities.

The Patron Saint of Pretty Much Everything Else

If you’re ever in doubt about which saint to pray to, then just reach out to St. Catherine of Alexandria who seems to cover of plethora of categories. Legend has it that St. Catherine was so well-learned, that when the Christian persecution broke out under Maxentius, she went to the emperor and rebuked him for his cruelty. The emperor summoned 50 of the best pagan philosophers and orators to debate with her, hoping that they would refute her pro-Christian arguments, but Catherine won the debate. Several of her adversaries, conquered by her eloquence, declared themselves Christians on the spot — and were then promptly killed. What a remarkable woman!

Perhaps that’s why St. Catherine earned the patronages of pretty much everything else: unmarried girls, apologists, potters, spinners, archivists, dying people, educators, jurors, knife sharpeners, lawyers, librarians, libraries, maidens, mechanics, millers, hat-makers, nurses, philosophers, preachers, scholars, schoolchildren, scribes, secretaries, spinsters, stenographers, students, tanners, theologians, the University of Paris, haberdashers, wheelwrights, the Philippines and Greece.

Amazing!

We need more patron saints

Now that I’ve discovered the full extent of the Catholic church’s habit of elevating people into sainthood, the idea is growing on me. Why stop at 10,000 saints? There are plenty of opportunities for new patron saints in niche markets.

Surely we need a patron saint for “Calling in sick from work even though you’re not really sick?”

How about a patron saint for, ‘Ignoring an email for weeks, then writing back and saying, “Somehow this ended up in my spam folder.”’ Perhaps I can have this patronage when I die?

Oh… and could we appoint a patron saint for ‘Coming up with better ideas for my blog posts?’ That would be useful too!