Help! My BF won’t beef with me!
Q Dear Armchair Psychologist, I want your perspective on how to approach my relationship with my BF of 2 years that has changed dramatically. What do I do when his negative lifestyle is affecting the life I’ve always had? When we met, we used to socially drink and eat whatever we wanted. This has all changed in the last year or so. On his watch, we have both become strict vegans and we can’t drink alcohol. As of now, I hate my boring life. What should I do? I’m miserable. -MissMyOldLife
A Dear MissMyOldLife, I’m sorry to hear your fun, Sunday brunch mimosas have been substituted for dry vegan bread. It’s not clear what prompted your BF to drastically change his lifestyle, but what is clear is that he’s imposing his will on you. It is only natural to feel resentment when our decision making and lifestyle choices are controlled by someone other than ourselves. If you went along with these rigid restrictions because you have struggled with self esteem issues and wanted to be agreeable to keep his love, I suggest: 1) you come clean and have a serious conversation with him expressing your feelings on the matter 2) that you examine with a therapist if you have a history of dating controlling men and, if so, explore this. Here’s a list of signs that your partner is too controlling from Andrea Bohnies, PhD. One rubric includes Making Acceptance/Caring/Attraction Conditional as in “I only love you if you’re vegan and don’t drink alcohol” It’s common for a controlling person to dominate their partner in this fashion. If you find that you can check off many points on the list,(and if your BF doesn’t relent), it’s time to pause this relationship by taking care of yourself first- and raise a glass to that!