Seen the film Superbad?

Then you’re probably acquainted with the character who draws willy’s everywhere.

When I was thirteen we received a new computing teacher at school, Mr Guay. He had not yet fathomed how to communicate authentically with small people. His catch phrase was always

“Stop talking theres nothing to talk about”

This made no sense to me, for surely there is always something to talk about? “Stop talking, there’s nothing to talk about” quickly became a catchphrase we would scream on the way to class, like short mad patients causing a bottleneck in the corridors of Broadmoor mental hospital. Everything about him made me want to rebel. His newness, his Matalan suit, his balding head, his surname (which would have been too easy to exploit) along with constant mutterings of that ‘trigger-sentence’.

One day, he showed us how to make an electronic flick book on an old black and white AppleMac before leaving the room for a few minutes.

A mistake.

It was my go.

I created and animated a flaccid penis which got sequentially erect before, you know...

Why wouldn’t I?:

It amused me

It made everyone else laugh

It was (in retrospect) a symbol of anti-authority

Having clicked the mouse a hundred times, there was no way to stop the exploding penis without turning the computer off or watching reanimations for a very long time. Mr Guay’s tourette-like catchphrase quickly changed from “Stop talking theres nothing to talk about” to

“Turn that off!”