Letters to a sex worker

Via email

Dear sir/madame,

Amelia and her administration assistant

We charge an £8 administration fee as all applications have to be stored correctly to comply with the Data Protection Act. Your application was also processed by a member of our team. This is how we found out we could not continue with your application and needed to refund your payment.

Regards, Amelia

From: Scott Lundrigan [mailto:iconicpower@gmail.com]
Sent: 21 March 2014 12:54
Scott Lundrigan iconicpower@gmail.com
1:59 PM (2 minutes ago)

Thank you for your prompt reply Camilla.
Regardless, please refund the full amount,

Depressed due to current circumstances

I am not working at the moment. I cannot afford to pay an eight pound administration fee and then go through this whole process again.

Alternatively, please can you set up a direct debit and I will pay sixteen monthly installments of fifty pence.

I would go to the citizens advice beaureu to complain about this but my bike has a puncture and I have carpal tunnel syndrome in my wrist, therefore I cannot pump up the tyre manually.

Kind Regards
Scott Lundrigan

Amelia discusses the situation with her work colleague before ignoring me for almost two weeks

Dear sir/madame,

We keep in touch, but I feel like her administrative assistant is calling all the shots.

Your refund has been processed through global pay.

Global pay are an international payment system. We will contact them and find out why you have not yet been refunded.

Regards, Amelia

On Thu, Apr 3, 2014 at 6:45 PM, Scott Lundrigan <iconicpower@gmail.com> wrote:

Olivia,

A moustache has been made with my new found energy.

Do you mean to say that you have not contacted them yet? You sent me this same email, word for word, two days ago!

I want to know what the progress is and I would like someone to call me direct, so someone can be held accountable because i have no idea who I am talking to half of the time and/or what action is being taken.

This is terrible customer service!

Scott Lundrigan iconicpower@gmail.com
7:07 PM (7 minutes ago)

Now that I have a job, it is obvious to almost everyone that I have bounced back. I feel guilty for being overeactive and fly to space for a bit to find some equilibrium.

Dear Mikaela

I have just received the monies.

Can I please take this opportunity to apologize for perhaps coming across as rude.

I have been very stressed this week,

One of my cats had to be taken for a brain scan on Wednesday and she was sick on the bus in front of four young children, which really put me on edge. I only felt marginally better after 20 hail mary’s and 5 lords prayers (a 4:1 ratio for each child respectively).

On a more positive note, you’ll be pleased to know that the carpal tunnel in my wrist is starting to improve. I’ve been able to pump up the tyres on all seven of my bicycles adequately; and they all now carry a tyre pressure of 30psi (rock hard).

Thank You
Scott


Oh yeah, you can my book LLoyd on Amazon for £1.80 GBP or $2.99 USD

An absolute steal. Should be charging more really.

Anyway, Just type ‘Scott Lundrigan’ into the Search Engine… Or ‘Lloyd’.

Cheers.

Bye.

Scott Lundrigan

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