1.18.17

I want to fall in love.

I want to fall in love and break my leg on the way down.

I want to fall in love for real.

I think a lot of people have the wrong idea about love. They think it’s about them. That’s not love. That’s infatuation paired with a self serving lifestyle. Love is about the person you love. It’s about opening up and being who you are without fear. It’s not having someone around because they make you feel good. It’s finding someone who isn’t afraid of you. All of you, and then you not being afraid back. When you’re compelled to tell them the truth. Every ugly, horrible thing you’ve ever done or thought or said… you’re loving. I’ve only been there once, much to the chagrin of a few people reading this who I sold a dream to once. It was beautiful. The sheer honesty of the whole thing was so pure. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to see that again. Probably not, because I’m corroded and nasty now. But I think there’s someone. There’s got to be. Someone to give it all to for once. Just one more chance. Someone I can talk to without opening my mouth. I don’t have much of a heart left but whatever is left of it belongs to… someone. If they exist. Someone I could actually love. Someone to care about. Someone.