The Things We Tell Ourselves

It all begins with that indisputable crunching sound that snow makes when your feet first hit the piste in the morning. The sun is out, yet the temperature still remains below 0°C. You have been thinking about how this day will pan out for weeks, and now that it’s finally here: you’re about to feel an incredible wave of adrenaline. The never-ending tingles of excitement start to spread; since this is your first time, however, out on the snow, you get slightly nervous. You know you’ll fall, which is a form of defeat you don’t like going through, but somehow you’ll pull through, or at least that’s what you’ll tell yourself.

It was my first time properly skiing and I had been “persuaded”, more like forced, to come along with my paternal side of the family. Everyone else there had more than the average experience with skiing; these people had been performing this sport and winning awards ever since they learned how to walk. While all I knew was that I was trembling with the anticipation.

Once I got on the actual piste, I felt the cold breeze brush my rosey cheeks, and I knew that the moment was real. I knew that in just a few seconds, I would be in total control on whether I failed or succeeded my first try on skiing. Nonetheless, in the blink of an eye, I was already on the ground with a ski that had bolted out of my boot and an embarrassed look on my face that didn’t seem go away. Before I even got back up, I was down again, and then again, and again. It all just seemed to be going down hill. The worst part was that I was surrounded by people that were just naturally better, so I immediately thought that there was no point in trying once more.

I didn’t realize how childish these thoughts had been until a few weeks later. I had refused to acknowledge the fact that I had an inner strength powerful enough to allow me to regain control and balance to get back up. Instead, I let myself be defeated and consumed by the idea that I wasn’t good enough. It had always been up to me to do better, because in life not everything will be easy, breezy, some things are meant to be fought for.

The reality of all of this is that at some point in our lives, we all go through a certain struggle. It is only now that I realized that all along I had the power of choice to react to my obstacle in the way I thought was best.

In this experience I set a goal for myself, a goal that consisted of taking a risk and trying to learn something new. Achieving this goal was the second step, and it’s at this point were I most stumbled. I stumbled not because the goal was impossible to attain but because the things I told myself tore me down, I literally self-sabotaged. Nonetheless, and as weird as this may sound, if they hadn’t I wouldn’t have learned such a powerful lesson.

“It was so risky and so scary, and yet at the same time, so beautiful. Maybe the truth was, it shouldn’t be easy to be amazing. Then everything would be. It’s the things you fight for and struggle with before earning that have the greatest worth. When something’s difficult to come by, you’ll do that much more to make sure it’s even harder -if not impossible- to lose.” ― Sarah Dessen, Along for the Ride