My Kind of Comfort Zone

Annesofie.V
Sep 7, 2018 · 3 min read

In what language do you think? I think in both English and Spanish. Are you fluent in both? I’m pretty decent, I guess. Why do you talk differently in social groups than in academic ones? No comment.

This conversation repeats over and over again in my mind when I’m in Spanish class. Ms.Tejada, my fair but strict and hard-working teacher, teases most of my classmates either because of the look on their face when they’re introduced to a new project with a new group in which none of them knows the material, or because of their handwriting on last night’s homework assignment where all you had to do was copy information onto a packet, and yet half of the class probably finished it hours before on the bus (including me).

As a timid and easily-intimidated 10th grader, this hostile environment adds anxiety to my inability to separate the Spanglish I think in, and speak the fluent language I’m supposed to know to be in this class. Thankfully, I’m in the farthest row in the back and usually don’t answer questions as my classmate on my right is the one who attracts the teacher’s attention.

But why am I actually thankful for that? Well then I’d also have to ask, who likes leaving their comfort zone?

This reminds me of every climbing tournament I’ve ever competed in:

You’re given four minutes to complete a route by getting to the top, hopefully having used the bonus rock for extra points. Once the timer goes off, my first moves are going to judge me throughout the rest of my reading, which is not a very hopeful start. I’m anxious and lose my starting point in the route, aside from not even knowing how to read it, to which I take a few deep breaths to shake off the adrenaline that’s making my hands tremble. After a few tries, I get used to the nervousness, turning it into motivation that can somehow make me comfortable in my last two minutes.

These feelings of pure vulnerability, as judges tick off how many times I’ve tried the route, while I avoid getting distracted by taking glances at the other competitors around me, and attempt to match my thoughts with my movements — all of this feels just like when I need to speak up during class or talk during any casual conversation with a Spanish classmate.

Yet even though I’m outside of my comfort zone, I’m also in a state that I’ve realized I know surprisingly well, and have practiced so many times. Either on the wall, where I’m doubting my reading of the route, trying to avoid acting nervous or strange while blocking out the white noise of the timer slowly picking up the pace during its last 30 seconds and the audience’s many “woo”s and “ah”s towards my competitor’s tries, fails, and tops. Or when I’m simply sitting at my desk, narrating La Ciudad de las Bestias, doubting my accent, trying to avoid tripping up on words and larger vocabulary (as my classmates follow along) and my brain instinctively thinks of a better person to have read aloud.

From this, I realize that I can’t ever be right before I’m wrong. I can mess up on a sentence, or make a few ugly moves on a route, and I’ll still be someone that thinks in Spanglish and has trained in climbing for barely a year. I like to stay in my own little bubble, I’m a good listener for other readers, and I’m an observant audience member when I don’t compete and end up watching other competitors — but not much fun is gained out of staying in that tiny and compressed box. Obviously leaving that box can be frightening and uncomfortable, especially I don’t know what I’m doing, but since when am I actually being judged? Genuinely, if you think someone’s judging you, then let it be out of the effort and hard work you put into trying.

Around the beginning of this post, I asked you if you like leaving your bubble of comfort and risk-free zone. So let me ask you again: Who likes leaving their comfort zone? If you’ve read this right, then I think there’s a different tone to that question. Now, like me, you have that rush of adrenaline when you leave your box and realize the whole other world of opportunities that was right around the corner.

Annesofie.V

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