“Suck it Up, Buttercup”

Karen Sorensen
Jul 24, 2017 · 4 min read

I like many single women in Silicon Valley Bay Area have a wedding ring in my purse, for the just in case scenario. I pull it out as I feel it’s needed. I wear it to events, meetups, conferences, workshops, classes, I find that anytime I am in a professional environment that is about technology and startups its useful. I have worked industries that have their fair share of being male dominated — banking, higher education, and telecommunications. Sexual harassment, control, and abuse is not a new thing for me. However, the culture in SV is the hands down worst I have ever seen. I’m sure there is not one women, that does not have stories. These are just a few of my choice examples, I have experienced:

· At VC Pitch event, a VC came up to me to introduce himself by saying “I didn’t hear a word of any other of the pitches, I was too busy looking at your tits.”

· At design thinking meetup, as soon as I sat down a fellow participant says, “This challenge just got a lot sexier.” The meetup continued with an activity where you must draw your ideas and share thoughts, the table’s was larger than the sheet of paper, bend over the table to reach the paper. 3 of the male participants walked behind me to look at my ass while I was writing my thoughts and ideas. I was totally aware, but keep on with the activity. One of the males became self-aware, and walked away. There was another woman in the group, and she was terribly uncomfortable. I finished sharing my ideas quickly.

· At a global conference where I asked a question to a panel of experts in data for IOT devices, and had a question for one of the panel member’s, that was with a company that had a new technology I had not heard of previously. Some of the other panelist started to tease him with locker room banter on the stage in front of over 300 people, because I directed the question to him. It was like they were acting like I was hitting on him just by directing a question to the panel member. He was embarrassed and uncomfortable when I asked the question.

You can take some variations of these incidents and multiply them by 4, in terms of how often it has happened to me alone. The probability of other women being harassed, controlled, and abused is high, based on the frequency of my occurrences. But for us all, it’s one of those open secrets, that’s not talked about much.

I have taken the Sheryl Sandberg approach of “Lean In”, with my own little more forceful “Suck it up Buttercup!” and moved on to meet some of the great people that come from all over the world to learn and share their technology. I prefer to focus on the positive of where I am, not the negative. I feel blessed to be able to live in an area with access to the best technology in the world.

At first, I started switching up my wardrobe making sure not to wear anything that would show cleavage. I could not change my shape, but I could change how much I exposed of it. It didn’t matter, jeans, suit, or a dress, there were always interesting comments, that either I pretended I didn’t hear or said to myself ‘Suck it Up Buttercup”, and moved on. I must say the whole watch what I wear, was counter intuitive to who I was as a person. I always loved being kind a –girly. It made me feel fake about myself to actively be so self-aware about not looking too girly. It’s been a major “Suck it Up Buttercup” reality. And I got a ring to help give me some polite outs.

I really don’t understand how the whole “bro culture” is good for business. Focusing investment on a limited demographic of entrepreneurs does not make for a diverse portfolio. I have even heard this reference from investors, where “I only invest in teams from Stanford or MIT”. Unlike past technology boom’s consumers are the drivers, not enterprise. Investment in consumer products has focused on needs, habits, and problems of the “bro’s” and their operators, because that is what they understand. The focus misses huge market opportunities. An example, Black US women alone represent 18% of the population and are heavy mobile users. They are not even represented in founder or operated venture markets. They represent huge quick markets for technology. Diverse portfolios with diverse markets, offset spikes in market conditions. Technology products can have very short life cycles, and are extremely volatile. Venture capitals narrow investment thesis is counter to basic finance and investing principles. It’s clear the operators and LP’s are willing to take higher risks for the sake of supporting the status quo. I just can’t believe these are best business for the growth of technology industry.

And as an investor, if I’m investing millions on “a person not an idea” then I would want that person to be almost a girl or boy scout. Lunching at Gold Club and partying for the sake of business does not transfer into actions of a leader that is creating a healthy company culture. The last thing a startup needs is for its leader to come back to the office after being sexually simulated during lunch and work effectively with female or male team members.

I wish daily, I would not have to say, “Suck it Up Buttercup” to keep my passions of helping education make the transition into the 21st Century. But until the “bro culture” is not the dominate culture of technology, I will just keep “Sucking it Up Buttercup” and brushing it off and moving on.