11 PM Raindrops.

nicky williams
Sep 7, 2018 · 3 min read

As defined by google stress is “a state of mental or emotional strain resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances”. For me stress is something mental like rain drops on a window, clear so I can see past it, but difficult to get rid of. Am I going to finish on time? Will my work be as good as others? Is this the best I can do? I often got so swept up in these thoughts of confusion that I can’t seem to find focus, and for this I feared stress.

On Wednesday night I sat down at my laptop at around 9 PM, to finish a research project I was working on. Although I was working very close to the deadline which usually would provoke my mind to go insane, I remained calm because I had both enough time and a manageable portion of work to complete. It wasn’t until around 11 PM that I got to my final research question, and panic started to set in. Unlike the other questions, this one did not have an answer that instantly popped up on my search browser, and when the several alternative searches did not show any answers either I froze. I stared at the screen, my eyes heavy and my head racing with panic and fear of disappointment. I just sat there staring at my screen, with stress pressing down on me.

I feared stress. As in past tense fear-ed.

We as a society create such a stigma around stress correlating it with negative emotions, yet subconsciously we are the creators of stress itself. The most common way to create stress is, what I like to call the art of procrastination. It is so easy to push tasks aside, telling yourself you will for sure do it later, but in the end putting it off just increases stress. The best way in my own experience to avoid stress caused by procrastination is TIME MANAGEMENT, and although it sounds like something your counselor would tell you to be more productive I have found it to be extremely useful. I get home most days at around 7;30 which gives me a minimal amount of time to complete my assignments, which means time management is essential for me. Thinking about the countless assignments I need to complete, would be the equivalent to drowning in my own thoughts, so what I usually do is compile a list. The more I check off the list the less stressed I feel and the more at ease I am. Without the simple fact of feeling stressed about doing so much worked pushed me to find a solution that worked for me.

Stress is really a cognitive reaction to difficult tasks pushing us to work harder and strive higher, and although stress still gives me an unparalleled feeling of anxiety like no other. I realized that it is also what drives me.

I had this realization as I was sitting there staring at my screen stuck in the grasp of stress on Wednesday night at 11 PM, where I could have easily given up and crashed. But the anxiety and pressure that my stress was creating made desperate, to find a solution. My body was begging me to sleep, but my mind was telling me to push on. My discomfort pushed me, motivated me to think beyond the stress and ultimately focus.

Stress will only exist where there is interest, where there is want to perform want to perfect. In its essence it is a side effect for passion, for perfectionism. It is really important to not use stress as a tool to consume you or tear you down, but to motivate you. If I had feared stress, as I did once upon a time I would have been stuck staring at my laptop on Wednesday at 11 PM, but instead I used those emotions to motivate me, to look for solutions elsewhere, to ask more questions, and to accomplish the source of my stress. I wiped the raindrops off the window, and clarity was once again regained.

nicky williams

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