All My Work is Gone. That’s Ok.

My first Medium post will be about me realizing I lost hundreds of articles of my work at Front Towards Gamer. I’d like to imagine that it’s ironic, creating a post out of the 800+ posts (and countless others edited) lost. If it is or isn’t, it doesn’t matter. Sure, it’ll eek out a little chuckle, but it’s fleeting. No, all it will do is painfully remind of the past. What joy it brought suffocates under the guilt, shame, anger, and resentment. It will not bring back the years of effort, failure, and dedication seen through the output.

When one of life’s obstacles present itself, regret takes over. I can’t help but feel inclined to gloss over the past and yell at my poor decision making. My failure to archive all that work is evident. I have dozens of word documents of larger projects and a couple of articles archived. That’s not nearly enough. All I can do now is move on and make something good out of the nasty situation I did not cause nor commit.

I left the site on mutual terms. I didn’t like the direction it was heading toward, so I threw in the towel. Less editorial control and more (free) work for people I was not too fond of at the time, and incredibly less so now, spells out plans for a departure time. They already planned on rooting out early articles, so it was naive of me to think they’ll come to their senses and respect older material. And it was also naive of me to think they’ll offer a warning to old writers for their site revamp, purging every bit of content created. They blocked WordPress to a friend of mine without telling me or him about it, hoping the situation will just go away. They unpublished several articles without our knowledge to suit a few donors. They kept the old staff in the dark on the new direction as the new staff disregarded the precedence (like review scores) in place.

I didn’t think things would get worse. Then this happened. I didn’t realize I was expendable until now. Their passive-aggressive action to rebrand (see: erase the past) the organization stood more important than the work of dozens from the old leadership. Fine. You could have alerted on old writer to archive their work out of respect and have them tell others to do the same. They didn’t. If the bridge wasn’t burned by then, it is now.

Above all the negativity and nastiness exuded, I need to look at the good of this outcome like I mentioned earlier. It’s no use to hold a finger in disgust. Nothing will be achieved by it. It proves that they won, and I accepted this loss with my rage. I will not accept this.

Now I realize I still possess a lot from my time at Front Towards Gamer. I fixated on one side of the coin when the real career gain proved intangible and invaluable. They cannot take away the memories there. They cannot take away the experiences, hardships, and triumphs endured there. They cannot take away the skills I’ve flexed, contorted, and exhausted there. They cannot take away the relationships molded there. They cannot take away my potential there. They will not take away the lesson I learned here.