Day 10 — Excited about the journey to becoming a better man
I have 230 days to get to 180 pounds, my healthy weight. I’m not going to be able to do it without paying attention to my diet, and spending at least 30 minutes a day increasing my heart rate. Also I realized that one thing that I really enjoy as an activity is writing. I write a lot for work but it feels good to just put my thoughts down. Maybe I should have been doing this all along instead of bottling up everything. It makes me even more excited about working on this blog over the next 6 months.
Last cigarette: 21 hours
Breakfast: 3 eggs, sausage, and water
Saw this on the way to work and thought of her (but wished it was called cake for breakfast, which would have given me an excuse to message):
Lunch: Coffee, black. Handful of almonds lightly salted.
Other thoughts I’ve been having… love is so weird. You can get too comfortable with routines over time and really take it for granted. Then something drastic happens and it wakes you up from your idiotic slumber and has you desperate to have it back like a crying child who just had their favorite teddy bear stolen. I think it’s interesting how I was able to go from feeling depressed, angry, and careless to being instantly driven to action in such a short period of time. It really feels like an awakening of sorts. To be honest it is a really good feeling. It reminds me I’m human, it reminds me that I am so far from perfect (much more on that topic in a later post, something I have been researching and reflecting heavily on) and it reminds me I’m not as cold hearted as I convinced myself I was. I blamed others for being hyper-emotional, when the truth is I was unwilling to admit that I had issues with being unable to express myself and my emotions comfortably. I thought being emotional was a knock against how “tough” I was as a man. So instead of fixing myself it was just easier to place blame and ignore it. Over the last week I have become comfortable saying that I am full of love and emotion.. i just didn’t know how to show it, but I’m learning and setting goals to be better one day at a time. I have never felt so driven to make something good come out of this.
I love jungle/drum and bass music, and specifically lately i’ve really been enjoying Kimyan Law, who put out the best album I’ve heard in a while this year (https://itun.es/us/pV54fb). This has been my jam today that is getting me pumped to work extra hard.
And this other track by The Prototypes that was my total jam of the week last week.. lyrics are very relevant to how I’m feeling!
I also booked my first “Foundations” yoga session for a couple weeks from now (first one I could make it to). I’m actually kind of excited about the spiritual aspect of it which is totally against how I used to think. We shall see!
Proud of myself for getting out again tonight despite being sore. It started to rain on me so I had to cut it short, and this was after a half mile or so dog walk. Really looking forward to a massage booked for Thursday to nurse these old legs of mine.
Now to hop in the shower, make some dinner, and then who knows what.