I’ve always had high standards for myself growing up. I must have watched my dad, being an athlete, maintain a certain discipline and consistency to achieve the level of work he put into his well-being. You can’t reach those levels of greatness without setting a benchmark for your efforts. The higher you set your standards, the faster and better you are going to grow.
My biggest flaw is that I also hold everyone around me to high standards and even though I give everyone a chance, I expect people close to me to be levelled or levelling.
I am all about planting seeds and I try to inspire through my own actions and lifestyle but if nothing changes over a certain period of time, I will start to lose respect for them. I learned this the hard way when I got myself entangled in a no-growth environment which took me a long time to liberate from because I was too invested in the time and effort it took me to get there.
The good habits that I spent a decade cultivating were slipping and I was becoming like those around me. I knew it too but it is one thing to know and another thing to be ready to make a change because you have to face hard lessons to evolve. I was living in a chronic state of anxiety because no one around me was changing — but that was my own fault because I had to change my environment to change my life.
It will take some time and a lot of courage to leave something behind but eventually, you will be ready to untangle yourself from the energy that doesn’t serve you in order to change your life.
Keep your heel, head and standards high.
-Coco Chanel
The problem with society is that some people will label having high standards as snobby, cocky, arrogant, or an over-inflated ego. That is the difference in mindset between successful and unsuccessful people.
You can either label things you don’t understand to avoid uncomfortable truths or you can reframe it to your advantage.
People who have done the inner work and personal development know that in order to feel fulfilled, you must give back. To be able to give back, you need to transcend to levels of consciousness above the general population. Those who don’t understand this will see you as a threat (even though the end goal is to open up these people to these lessons so they can eventually transcend).
I know that in order to level up, I need to surround myself with people with high standards. I rarely feel intimidated by anyone because I recognize people who I think are better, will inspire me to be better.
I grew up in a healthy and competitive environment. My best friend was always a bit smarter and more popular than me. She was one of those people whom everyone gravitated towards because of her energy (I was much more timid and shy then). I was never ‘jealous’ of her but remember always wanting to be ‘as good as her’ (eg. when it comes to the number of A’s on our report card). She never knew this growing up because we never talked about it but when I reflect, I have to give her credit for pushing me to do better!
In grade 9, there was a math teacher everyone hated because she was labelled a “mean bitch.” I recall being delighted when I found out I was in her class. Instead of judging her externally, I saw her ruthlessness and directness as someone who can take me to the next level. I was pretty sure I was a warrior in a past life because I’ve always believed in tough love and staying hard. Unfortunately, that was also the year I learned that I suck at math (thus why I consider myself a creative, hah)! I always felt bad for Ms. Patterson but we all know, most teenagers are stupid.
I also had a colleague whom a lot of people didn’t “like” because she was simply a strong and powerful female boss (and I suspect lack of perspective, masculine toxicity, and sexism were involved). I was always defending her when people would say something bad because she wasn’t perfect but I noticed she truly tried harder than most people. I recall this one time during a meeting when we were solving a puzzle, she was the first one to come up with the solution. I actually had thought of the same solution but I didn’t have the voice or confidence like her to speak up and lead. I remember being proud of myself because I looked up to her but also realized that I had a lot of work to do to get to her level.
How do you perform at work? How are your relationships? How is your fitness routine? How are your eating habits? Do you pay attention to details? Do you remember things or are you forgetful? Do you stay true to your words? Do your actions match your behaviour? Are you aware of the consequences of your behaviour? Are you aware of your own patterns?
How you handle and manage any situation, challenge or experience in your life is how you handle all of them. How you do one thing is how you do everything.
What does having high standards mean to me:
- Be consistent with your words and actions. They must align.
- Following through: if you say you are going to do something, do it.
- Staying true to your values.
- Show up in every aspect of your life (health, family, work, friends, relationships).
- Excellence in everything you do (or at least try to).
- Everything matters and nothing is small stuff — it’s all in the details
- Be able to cut ties with anyone who doesn’t live up to your standards.
How to have high standards:
- Work on personal development every single day. Even if it’s only 10 minutes per day if you are “busy”.
- Prioritize personal development. If it matters to you, you will find them for it. ‘Busy’ is just an excuse that shows you’re not living up to your standards.
- Be confident in yourself that you are putting in the effort to do make yourself better.
- Hold yourself accountable for everything you do.
- Admit it when you’re not showing up as your best self, and ask yourself how you can do better next time.
- No need to beat yourself up over it though because being kind to oneself is also have high standards.
- Question all your negative thoughts and ask yourself why you feel that way.
- Whenever you mess up, ask yourself, “how do I do better next time?” Everything bad that happens in your life is your own fault.
*not to say you have to force yourself to “do better” when you are going through a very challenging time — but it always helps to ask yourself: “am I truly suffering, or am I suffering because I am choosing to avoid the problem?”
I notice people’s standards begin to drop once they start getting comfortable. Or when they think they got everything they want and no longer have to ‘work hard’ so they let their guard down and stop growing. What I learned is that when I see drops in consistency, I start to lose respect for those people because my brain tells me “danger! don’t trust them.” That’s our negativity bias constantly searching the environment for danger.
I am sensitive to energy and learned how to read patterns. If people don’t consistently show up in all aspects of their lives, how do they build rapport?
