Diary day 1

Sat June 17th 2017

I have a shadow to my existence.

My existence, what I believe it is to be human is based on all the experiences and understanding I have of life. My shadow is all that I am consciously aware is wanting in my being. All that I fear externally and internally.

In other words my shadow is thoughts, feelings and emotions that I do not allow to surface. Thoughts, feelings and emotions that in my mind need to be kept within lest they lead to suffering. Paradoxically over time I may become darker, more shadowy if my fears bottle up to the point that my existence is centred around preventing what I fear. Is that what a midlife crisis is? -The acknowledgement that you have become a shadow of what you used to be…

Am I fake because I have a shadow side and therefore I’m not being myself all the time?

To live in the light, without a shadow, is to be free of all fear, in a state of enlightenment. Having a shadow does not necessarily mean you are fake and unrealistic it means you are not enlightened, I, my sense of self is not at one with just being…

Enlightenment is the end of duality. When ‘I’ is no longer consistent with light or dark but one with light and dark, hot and cold and everything in between, one with being human and one with humanity. One with having a dualistic mind and a singular heart. One with thoughts feelings and emotions. One with all beings. One with the universe. One with all that is, all that has ever been and will ever be. One with creation.

I have spent 3 days contemplating the idea of beginning to accept my shadow and work through it.

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