See? There’s No Such Thing as Sexual Harassment in the Workplace

A woman with fake breasts had to have one of her implants removed to save her life after her nipple piercing caused a deadly infection.
Nikki Belza, 33, had spent more than $22,000 (£18,000) since she was 21 to take her 32A chest to a 32DDD.
She decided to get her nipple pierced earlier this year, but woke up in agony months after accidentally ripping the bar out.
The pain in her left breast soon became unbearable and caused her to collapse while she was at work.
She was rushed to hospital where doctors told her she had developed Streptococcal A from her husband’s sore throat.
The bacterial infection triggered sepsis — which ravaged her breast tissue and led to surgeons removing her left implant entirely in a bid to save her life.
Mrs Belza, a cocktail waitress, from Las Vegas, said: ‘I was absolutely devastated to be left with only one boob, I am now completely flat chested on one side, but I know how lucky I am to be alive.
‘I can’t believe having a simple procedure like a piercing can lead to a deadly infection like sepsis.
‘I genuinely thought I was going to die and I knew having my breast removed was the only way to save my life but when I woke up after the operation I couldn’t look down at my chest.
‘Not long after my op my co-worker made me a farewell boob cake, even though I was really upset I was able to see the funny side.’ — Daily Mail

OK, imagine you nearly die do to some horrible leg infection. Doctors save your life, but to do so they had to amputate the festering appendage. You have one leg now, where you used to have two. For the rest of your life there won’t be a leg where there used to be.

Now, imagine you show up to work all Peg Leg Pete and you find that a co-worker put the Lamp from A Christmas Story on your desk to make you feel better. Hilarious, right? Joke of the year stuff. LULz for days.

…Well, that analogy went about as far as I can take it because it just doesn’t work. Actually, never mind if it works. It’s not even the point. Never, ever in a million years would any rational person think that it would lighten the mood to give a sick person a cake shaped like the body part that just got hacked off them. And ya know what else? That also isn’t the point!

The point here is that these two had to have been fucking biffles because anyone else and that cake-giving coworker is in HR and out on the street faster than you can say titillate.

Sexual Harassment is the phoniest of phony HR causes. From Priests and Nuns — to — Presidents and Interns, men and women in every workplace around the world make lewd comments because they get along. The only rule – the only rule – is that both people have to be comfortable with what’s being said. I really can’t explain it any better than that. So, ya know what? I’ll just let the GOAT take it from here.

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