My Reactions Affect What I’m Told

What if you told someone close to you something that has been bothering you for a long time and they go psycho dramatic crazy over it? Wouldn’t you be very hesitant to ever tell them anything that might possibly trigger that reaction again?

I notice this behavior in myself quite often. They way people react to what I tell them really affects what I tell them in the future. Another way to say that is this. The way someone has reacted to what I told them in the past really affects what I want tell them. I think this is a big reason why people lie. Not just lying, but it’s where the communication breakdown starts.

Last night my Fiancée told me about a joke someone told her. I was feeling somewhat facetious and wanted to mess with her so I picked apart the joke mentioning about how part of it didn’t make sense. I went too far with it and she told me I take things too seriously sometimes. That’s a very trivial example, but the way I reacted to her telling me about that part of her day could potentially give her a bad taste in her mouth about sharing details of her day with me.

If you have mastered your self control, it’s a good habit to think about how your reaction will affect you before you react. With that example above, I could have really listened to what she was telling me at a higher level and overlooked the bad joke. I could have realized that I love it when she tells me about parts of her day. Then I could have given my undivided attention and laughed with her and tried to absorb what I was being told. I feel like that type of reaction would have made her feel like I was genuinely interested and therefore maybe she would talk to me more about things like that.

What if you hate when your co-worker brings up giving birth while you both are eating lunch together? Of course you could use this to your advantage and react in a way you know will discourage them from bringing that up again. You may be surprised though. Reacting disgusted, or walking out of a room may be highly amusing to them and therefore encourage their continued birth stories.

One thing I personally consider before reaching out to someone, is how much they talk. If I know someone takes 20 minutes to answer a simple question, it would have to be my last resort before I asked them. This is a pet peeve of mine, so it may not be that extreme with everyone, but I bet many agree.

What if someone has never seemed genuinely interested in a certain topic when you told them? I know for me, I’d rather not waste my breath if I know someone isn’t interested in what I have to say.