Day 384

image source: weheartit

I just woke up when I first saw you. 
I remember you were sitting at the sofa and talking to your cousin when you suddenly dropped your keys. 
You were reaching for it when you caught me looking at you.
You picked your keys, showed it to me then smiled.
I was busy cracking my brain on whether I know you or not, when you walked to my bed and started introducing yourself. 
You were confident. I was quiet. 
“Where is everyone? Who is this person? What on earth is he smiling about? Do I know him? Why is he inside my room? What’s the date today? Why are there effing hearts? Tapes on my hands? Are you kidding me? Why are all the curtains drawn? Is this hell? No, hell can’t be this white”

Minutes later, my friends arrived and you were ushered out. 
One of them nodded at your direction. 
I raised my left eyebrow. 
He informed me that you’re always around. 
Others remarked nastily.
 I, on the other hand, wondered how you got to do that freely.

Days after, my friends were allowed to take me out. 
It was Valentines week. It was a blur. 
I remember gift wrappers and flowers. I also remember a beautiful glass room overlooking a mountain, helicopters and fireworks on a very cold place. 
That’s all. I can’t even remember who’s beside me the entire week.
But, I’m sure a lot more happened. I’m sure they outdid the occasion like they always do. I’m sure it was beautiful and I feel bad I can’t remember much.

Weeks passed and I gave up trying to remember the specifics so I started to browse the pictures on the iPad given to me. You were on some pics. I showed the device to my friends then pointed to your smiling face. They shrug, said that you’re a stand-in for your cousin, which have been so since Christmas. 
Hearing that made me realized that you’ve been around for quite a long time. I felt trespassed.

Then you arrived. “Why are you here?” I asked-or maybe I shouted? I can’t remember. They stared at me. My biggest friend started to bawl. My other friend stopped peeling the apple. My best friend buried his face in his hands. 
I was confused and my confusion must have reflected on my face since you said, “ Drop your scowl, guapa. They probably missed you speaking. Raspy voice, huh?” It was nuts. Nothing much changed after that day except for the room getting noisier by the second. You’re still dropping by my room from time to time. Nurses swoon at your sight. I even saw one giggle. I’m plainly annoyed.

One afternoon, I asked you if, like your cousin, you’re also a doctor. You said no, you’re actually unemployed. I snapped, “Why on hell are you around all the time then?” You shrugged then muttered something under your breath. I didn’t hear what you said but I didn’t ask you to repeat. It was a continuous interview. I learned your name which I realized I didn’t bother asking anyone for. I learned the degrees you’ve finished here and overseas and why even so, you preferred not to work. I was slowly becoming curious about you so I asked more questions. You were very articulate & you always end your sentence with a smile. Drifting from serious topics like politics, business and economics to light like cars, traveling & vinyl records is so easy since you’re smart and confident without sounding airy. You’re good without trying hard. After 3 (or 4?) hours of talking to you, I became comfortable around you.

Then, I was released. I felt like I owe myself a break so I made a resolution to make the most of my everydays. Slowly, I began catching up with the activities that I’ve missed. I even reactivated all of my social media accounts where I posted a long message of being sorry & thankful.

Then one day, you called to ask me out. I said I don’t remember giving you my number and that I also don’t entertain invitations via phone calls. I ended the call. 40 minutes later, you arrived at my best friend’s unit. That was almost a year ago.

Now,
You annoy me with your endless half-body, muscle-flexing, abs-baring selfie.
You disgust me with the way you casually blow 5 digits (sometimes 6) in one exhibit, gift or anything that interests you. 
You make me roll my eyes whenever you transfer our seat or worse, make a last minute transfer to another airline just because you can. Much more on those times when I won’t allow you to accompany me so you’ll transfer me to a hotel when I’m very fine with my hostel. 
You make me want tear my hair off whenever you act like a high school boy when you get jealous.
You make me…
I believe in improving, not loving imperfections so I’ll hate those forever (or maybe until I finally adjust).

But, ridiculous characteristics aside, you’re an extra. You’re more than the overly handsome, muscle-everywhere, cash cow king, insanely smart and talented person people see you are.

Whenever you send me youtube links
Whenever you brush my hair using a fork or pinch my cheeks using a folder
Whenever you sneak to my massage area to tickle me
Whenever you pout when I borrow one of your cars
Whenever you buy takeaway and present those as your recipe
Whenever you smart mouth my friends when they do the “age joke”
Whenever you pull off surprises, from something as prodigal as renting an aman villa in Pamalican to as cute as buying a seminar pass for two
Whenever you try to adapt to my spending habits and fail miserably
Whenever you follow me to where I am because you miss me
Whenever you make me feel like a princess when you excitedly run to a pajama-wearing me on a lobby full of well-dressed….

We never had a picnic, a long walk, movie date, night road trips, cheesy economic flight moments because you don’t like doing those which in return, I hate because it reminds me so much of the grandiose preference of the people I grew up with, but well, maybe that’s the reason why being with you, even on a faraway place, feels like home. You simply make me feel so special every time you’re around. You make me smile from ear to ear.

You make me feel a lot of emotion I never even knew I’m capable of feeling. You make me do things I never knew I can. I enjoy singing to you, crazy dancing with you, taking your picture, writing about you, painting you, running to you, debating with you... this list could go on and on. I can be silly and spontaneous around you. (I’m pretty sure I’m rambling now but I hope it’s still making sense.)

Everything about you is beautiful. You’re a beautiful person. You came from a beautiful world living a beautiful life. You have beautiful ideas. You even have a beautiful heart. Your whole being is a mixture of all things good and bright.
This world is so lucky to have you walk on it but I’m luckier since you chose to hold my hand as you navigate.

Yes, I love you too.