Our Version of Happy Ending

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He was wiping his glasses outside the venue of my cousin’s graduation when I saw him again. He furrowed his brows when he noticed me, the same furrowing he gave me when his best friend introduced him to me…

Tall, tanned, and handsome. He smiles with his eyes. He got dimples. He looks good all the time. He is smart, ambitious and driven. He’s a man of his words. He doesn’t believe in fighting. He got no vices. He’s humble. His laugh is infectious. He’s close to his family. He can easily be friends with anyone…. That’s how the people around Dan would describe him. He is my boyfriend back in Junior High School. The guy who once I thought I’d fall in love with and marry someday.

Dan is my boyfriend who will be at my side 30 minutes after telling him I need him. He will not contact me whenever it’s my exam week. He would buy me things he thinks I deserve. He would steal a kiss and say “I love you” to me in public places. He would pause his shower to answer my calls. He’s always excited to see me. He listens to me rant. He would leave me an “I love you” message every morning and a 5 second call saying the same words before I sleep every night. He is the kind of majority’s dream guy who respects his woman’s boundaries and opinions; who doesn’t mind looking silly until you start laughing; who’s not afraid to cry in public whenever he’s sorry; who’s cool with his woman’s mood swings; who enjoys taking her photos; who would always brag his friends and tell his family how lucky he is to have her; who believes in marriage.

He wishes me luck all the time. He knows my schedule by heart and remind me of things I have to finish and projects I have to pass. He buys me ice cream whenever I’m sad. He forgives me all the time. He bought me an i-pod with songs he downloaded himself saying I should listen to real tunes. He would tell the hairstylist to give me a good layer. He is cool with my friends. He never lied. He keeps an open mind. He never made me wait. He is always by my side. He only sees me.

A week before my birthday, he called me to his house. At the living area, For the first time, I saw him crying really hard. His eyes are sad, or maybe angry or betrayed or all- I’m not sure. I just sat there in front of him, look at him and didn’t speak. I can’t speak. Looking at him, I think I already know why. I’m guilty and at the same time, embarrassed. I’ve dated this schoolmate and ignore Dan’s calls and messages on purpose for a week. I have been thrilled with the thought. I know, I’m an idiot.

He keeps on wiping his tears while trying to speak clear. He stared at me for minutes, then managed to raise his voice “I love you. I really do. I’m crazy about you. I never hurt nor offend you, right? I’ve been good, right? Right Hon?”. I want to tell him that he’d been perfect while I’d been stupid but I can’t bring myself to talk. He shook his head and straighten his back, “Where did I go wrong? Have I missed anything? I’m just a kilometer away from your school. Why did you do that? You just prove what those people are telling about you. Flirt, You’re a slut.” With that, I finally said “Let’s end this” and went out. I didn’t broke up with him because I was offended but because, I know that he’s right and I’m ashamed of myself. I destroyed him.

I closed their gate even if I can still hear him crying, even if his grandma is still asking me to stay. I don’t need to hear him say anything. To see him cry that hard, hear him curse and appear like a mess… I’m positive, I’m evil. He deserve better than that.

On my way home, inside the jeepney, I allowed myself to cry. I didn’t even say sorry nor goodbye.

It’s just last month when I bumped to his cousin, Jeff, who forced me to take a dinner with him after his, “Thought you’re dead” greeting. I learned that Dan just stayed at the living area and slept there for days after I left. On my birthday, arrived a customized skull cake, 5 balloons and a necklace. Dan only stared at those and made his siblings and cousins eat the cake. Jeff decided to inflate the balloons and box them together with the necklace. “To be honest, I want to kill you that time. I don’t know why you did that. He can’t even sleep in his room.”. For on Dan’s shelf are 3 big framed photos of us; CD of his remixes with my name; pins, a jersey with our number, dog tag necklaces, pillows on my favourite colour, a notebook with my picture, and an album of our pictures together. Jeff even bought a correction fluid so he can erase my name on Dan’s books and papers. He also bought Dan a new sim and erased all the stuff in his phone that would remind him of me. For months, Dan would keep himself busy and smile to people even if his eyes are obviously swollen. “He might have blocked you on facebook but he never bad mouthed you. Even the things from your relationship is still with him.” I learned that he got another girlfriend after a year and they’re going strong. “He met her from his best friend too. Unlike your pale color, she’s pinkish. Her eyes are chinkier than yours too. She’s your photoshopped version. Still, you’re different to Dan. You’re the only one who got those efforts from him. Everyone knows that. He’s really unlucky to have you.”

To this day, there would still be times when I’m missing him but still, I don’t regret my decision of leaving him. He’s a great guy and he deserves the best. He deserves to be happy and I won’t allow him to be weak because of his heart. He should never cry that hard again. There’s more to his life. He got a new girl now and I’m happy for him. I will always wish the best for him. He made me realize and appreciate a lot of things. Perfect guys still exist. Oh and that quote I once read on his phone- If it’s sad, it’s just a chapter because in the real ending, everyone’s happy -I still believe in that.

I nod at him and just like three years ago, he gave me the dimpled, wide smile. He’s really a good guy.

(originally published at my wordpress profile)