Once upon a time in a land far away from far away lands. Rupert and Adair were common, everyday villagers in the village of Saudi Arabia. Rupert had a sudden craving for some White Castle burgers. You know, like the craving you get when you want something, but badly. Adair, however, was highly allergic to White Castle, being the terrorist he is. “Letz head on down ta White Castle” Rupert quietly whispered into Adair’s left ear, as if he were hiding from a serial killer in a goalie mask he got off of goaliemonkey.com and carrying a Husqvarna 40.9cc 2-Cycle 16-in Gas Chainsaw he bought for $269 off of lowes.com. Adair, now reminded of his days in Vietnam, suddenly exploded into a fit of rage and seizures, killing 12 local cats almost instantly. The cats didn’t go down without a fight though, they were prepared and left 41 scratch marks on Adair’s left shoulder. Being the void-of-friends loser that he was, Adair just so happened to also be allergic to cats and needed to be rushed to the local fire station. “What is dem pussaaaaay scratch marks bustin on yo’ shoulder?” The fireman screamed. “I gots beat down up in a nearby alleyway n’ they jumped me” Adair replied with Rupert nodding his head very slowly in agreement. The fireman proceeded to tenderly apply his licks to the wound, healing it with his beautiful looks and magical saliva. They then proceeded to go to White Castle. “We is goin ta White Castle no matta if you allergic or not, I be hungry.” said Rupert. “I be bout ta do it fo’ you” Adair said, with a strong, masculine, and deep voice that soothed Rupert to such an extent that he walked into the nearest Rite Aid where his mother was shopping. “What is you bustin up in here, biatch? I be gettin tampoons, I mean groceries.” said Rupert’s mom with a 3 gallon container of pure goat milk in her hands. Adair busted through the Rite Aid door, screaming at the top of his lungs, “SHIT!” as if he were to say ‘ship’ but replaced the ‘P’ at the end with a ‘T’. After 29 seconds of awkwardness, they made it to White Castle. Upon seeing the White Castle, Adair immediately creamed and crapped himself, then died. Rupert feasts upon his flesh ravenously and laughs maniacally while his mother makes love to a pole across the street. “Quit smokin me it hurts all muthafuckin day.” said Adair in his last dying breaths as if it were an old man laying on his deathbed but it’s not an old man and it’s on the floor of a White Castle restaurant. Icky there are probably bugs and stuff there. Anyway, Rupert ordered 6 sliders and a medium sprite soda, then proceeded to sit down and eat. Although he was a bit full on Adair’s sweet sweet genitals, he managed to eat his meal and for dessert ate the waiter. Rupert’s mom got ran over by a car across the street, causing her to swiftly spill the goats milk across the entire interstate. “Fuck.” said Rupert. Then suddenly, a squad of vultures equipped with monocles swoops down for Rupert. “Hya! Stay back you filthy birdz muthafucka! Yo ass can’t smoke me, fo’ I be bout ta bust a cap up in you, nahmean biiiatch?” Rupert screamed at the birds. The vultures, intimidated by Rupert’s haunting words, assembled into their best formation for a dance-off. Rupert immediately went for the lethal running man followed by a half-assed moon walk. The vultures, seemingly impressed, flew away but only to attack Rupert 4 years later and kill him. The End.