30 day exercise challenge
I woke up @ 7:40a
Out the door by 8:25a
Feeling like I just wanna take shorter walk today and write more.
Also feeling like I might want to walk more in the middle of the day.
Okay, here I go…
By the way, do I look like Freddy Kruger?
Back at the computer @ 9:06a
I apologize for the lack of quality on my latest posts. I will attempt to be better at that today.
So, today was nothing new in the realm of any new insights. I don’t really feel how I wish to be feeling mentally and physically. Not yet at least. It’s okay though I don’t need to be so hard on myself about it. I really should just focus on that I have been exercising for the past 10 days.
I feel as though I may have started out too strongly or ambitiously with this challenge, but perhaps not. I feel today though that I should have gradually built up to and end goal perhaps. What I mean by that is I feel that if I started small then worked my way up it would have been an easier habit to implement. But perhaps not, because I have been keeping up with it fairly well. I have noticed, however, that when I was off from work last week the walks just felt better. I didn’t have to worry about not getting them in because I had time in the morning to do them (I get to work around 7:30/7:40…I’m usually late :)).
In fact. I have been feeling rather depressed at work. I just feel drained for multiple reasons.
Here they are in list form:
- making minimum wage
- drained energetically from being there for 2 years
- not asking for a raise
- feeling stuck
- accepting things the way they are
I noticed waking up when I’m not working as opposed to working feel totally different. You can probably guess which I favor.
I feel a lot more calmer when I’m not there. And in general more light-hearted or up beat.
I don’t even like wasting time writing about this. I notice though that waking up from naps I feel a lot more anxious and negative.
It’s also been difficult for me to fit in these walks before work because of the time constraints. I like to write right after I walk so it’s difficult to do that during the work week.
How I feel mentally and emotionally
I notice in general during the walks I still don’t feel necessarily positive. I still have a general sense or air of negativity about me. I think part of me is expecting me to feel a certain way. Another part of me is beating myself up so-to-speak.
Basically, I feel alone.
I feel like I’m boring.
Here are some thoughts:
- feeling dumb
- anxiety about loneliness, boringness, feeling dumb
Because of these negative feelings I feel a lack of self confidence. It is most prevalant when I try to speak. My heart just isn’t into it. This results in low self confidence and low self-esteem.
I am at least curious as to see where this takes me. I am most curious about the mental benefits and that is what keeps me going, if not anything else.
At least it gets me thinking. It gets me writing. It gets me being creative. It gets me out of the house. It gets to a growth opportunity. It makes me want to achieve more.
They say curiosity killed the cat. Please don’t kill the cat.