The Lord works in mysterious ways

3x3x5 is a story written in 3 parts by 3 different people with — strictly — 5 minutes each.

Since Tomas had finished school he had been caught in the deep and immovable funk. He craved the days of school where he had at least some social bonds, where there was a structure to cling to. Now he spent his days obsessively reading the world news thinking that this somehow connected him to the outside world, his other major past time was masturbating in array of positions. Tomas was in desperate need of some substance in his life, and not the ejaculated kind.

Who knew that that substance would come in the form of a calling by our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ? Well, Jesus knew. Because he knows everything. He knows what you did last night, he knew what you did in the shower this morning and knew that Tomas was taking an incredible shit right now. A shit so large and painful that as it exits Tomas’ rectum it will give him an epiphany. It will be a movement so intense that it will give Tomas his revelation that he must go spread the good word. The baby elephant sized turd broke through the sphincter. “Hhhhhhhhhallelujah!” screamed Tomas. Amen.

“I’m going to sell popsicles in Siberia!” the excited boy shouted. And as he rose up to run to his room to jot down his grand idea, he slipped on a piece of toilet paper and died. The paramedics arrived after an hour. By that time Tomas’ mother, a widow who now had no one left in this world, had almost cried herself to death. Quite literally — she almost died of dehydration. When she came to, the first thing she saw were the beautiful blue eyes of a paramedic. She fell in love with those eyes. And with the rest of the paramedic, too. They started dating, then married and moved to a new, bigger home. Then they birthed a son. They called him Tomas 2, in memory of Tomas. Tomas 2 was brilliant and well organised and always happy. Which made his parents happy. Indeed, wise is the Lord.