Zombie Apocalypse Now

3x3x5 is a story written in 3 parts by 3 different people with — strictly — 5 minutes each.

He had been pretending to be a zombie for 3 months now. The zombie apocalypse had happened, just like Hollywood had predicted and somehow Andy had avoided getting bitten. Not through any kind of skill at first, he was just infinitely lucky. Someone had to be. But 3 months on and it seemed he was the only one. He had no way of barricading the zombies from his house because then they’d suspect something. So he just lived among them. They’d usually be a few in his front room every morning. He just walked slowly, dribbled and looked with a vacant stare while he made toast and that did the job. He’d then sit on his sofa and watch box sets of “Only Fools and Horses” and the zombies would usually come and sit next to him. As long as he joined in with the moaning every so often that seemed to be fine. At the moment he had a regular group living with him. One looked like a builder, one a baker and another a bishop. The bishop managed to have a permanent erection. Andy thought this was great.

The job was OK, too, which was not bad given the economy and the fact that the company was run by actual zombies. Andy would keep a low profile and always hand in reports on time, which was enough not to get demoted. He’d met a girl. The bishop’s neighbour who would sometimes use his erection as a rod to dry her clothes on. Andy thought that it was really creative. And cute. So he asked her out. They’ve met for dinner. They ate a dog while the poor bastard was still alive. And just as they we’re about to finish the meal that’s when he saw it. She cringed while biting the tail. “Wait a minute!”, the boy shouted. “Are you even a zombie?” “Well, not exactly…” she said.

Andy screamed with delight, causing the zombie waiter to give a suspicious groan. “Ssssshhh! It only takes them a second to realise we’re human, than we’re as good as this dog we just eat,” she said while sucking down the last of the tail. But somehow the surrounding zombies all started suspiciously groaning also. “OK, we got to get out of here.” They dropped a 50 dollar bill on the table and headed for the door. But the other zombie guests had now started to group together, forming a wall. “There’s only one thing left we can do. Get your dick out.” Andy objected but did as she said. “I’m sorry Andy, this is gonna hurt but if we ever get out of here I promise to make it up to you”. She bit out off his dick and lobbed it into the crowd of zombies who all chased it down like zombies do. The two of them legged it to their convertible outside and drove away into the sunset.

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