Hell is hell, and life is life, however hard and difficult it cannot be compared with the torments of the damned in hell. Yes, you experienced emotional trauma. Maybe writing about it is therapeutic in a way. However God and all that the Bible says about him and us and hell doesn’t vanish away just because of your/our suffering. Job also suffered, yet he was patient and trusted God. Apostle Paul suffered for his faith being beaten many times, yet he was patient and trusted God. All I see in your story is undiluted atheism/hatred?/ toward God. Why? He loves you. He gives you the gift to write stories. He upholds you. He is so patient with you. And speaking about Hell, He did everything that you would not go there, yet you refuse to believe. Why? Look at Christ on the cross, mocked, beaten, deserted by disciples and believe on Him. He can give you a proof of the power of his resurrection as he did to Thomas. Then all your suffering here will end up in glory in heaven. And he will wipe every tear there. Jesus never fails. Trust him for salvation.