100 Days of 100 Words: Day 12, “Don’t point”
“Don’t point”, the mother told her little girl. The girl was staring at the mural artwork covering a wall behind my table. It depicts several hands waving goodbye to a few birds as they fly away. The birds have their wings spread and their heads are detached from their bodies but still they fly on through a hole in the landscape which looks to be a portal into space. The landscape in the background is two wavy layers of greens below the horizon, two wavy layers of blue above the horizon, various barren, tree-like structures, and geometric rocks. Sometimes I find myself lingering on this piece even though I’ve been in this coffee shop and seen this wall many times before.
The full interaction between mother and daughter went something like, “Don’t stare, it’s rude” and then instead of looking with her own eyes to see what her daughter was fixated on, she followed up with, “What are you staring at?”. The young girl proceeded to point at the mural in response to the question to which the mother said, “Don’t point.” What a complex world that young girl must live in with so many arbitrary rules. Why would it be rude to stare at a mural? Is the artwork not there for people to look upon and consider? To add the pointing rule on top of that is to confuse things even further since that’s a gesture I’m sure daughter has seen mother perform many a time. The situation as a whole bothered me. I’ve heard that in many cultures pointing is considered rude but in American culture there seems to be a mishmash of rule application. It seems like something people tell children because they were told the same when they were young and why would anyone take time to consider the “Don’t point” rule they are now parroting? I thought back and I could remember similar situations from my childhood and it bothered me.
I can recall being told not to point because it’s rude but I was given no context and no guidelines to go along with this rule. I was only give a firm rule that I was to follow while watching adults break that rule over and over and over again. I can understand that there are situations where pointing might be negative. If you are in a contentious exchange with someone it could be a sign of aggression. If you are at work it could be rude to point and single out a coworker in a negative way. But I don’t think I’m going to hurt the feelings of that pastry behind the glass by gesturing with my index finger. Pointing and using my words — similar to a Japanese safety technique known as Pointing and Calling — makes an effective combination in describing exactly my intention. I don’t want just any croissant, I would like that *points* croissant, please. That’s the beautifully formed puffy pastry that has captured my attention and I don’t want there to be any ambiguity about which pastry I would like to end up on my plate.
“You’re not a parent. You don’t know what it’s like.” Correct. I’m not a parent and I don’t want to be a parent, but I have noticed things about kids I’ve interacted with over the years. They are very perceptive and they can understand concepts if you take the time to explain those concepts. In fact, I think that’s one of the things my father did well. I wrote about an example the other day when I wrote about “Get Better or Quit”. That’s a tough rule to live by if you don’t understand how context effects rules and the decisions we make within those rules. I’m sure the woman I saw is a fine mother (probably, right?), I just wanted to point out (see what I did there) something that struck me as odd, and perhaps it will cause some reflection on how and why we repeat things we’ve learned as children. Maybe some of those rules can be tossed into the abyss with the headless birds.
