How Do You Make Resolutions in Times of Change and Uncertainty?
As I scrolled through my email on New Year’s Eve I was inundated with more articles, emails, and posts on making resolutions than I thought possible. Looking at them, I was filled with mixed emotions. In a year filled with so much stress, loss, and change, it seemed unimaginable to do anything but pledge to survive the coming year.
At this time last year, I was enjoying a rare night out without baby. Dominick and I smiled and drank with friends at a local bar. I remember smiling broadly and laughing deeply. The previous year had felt stressful, but there was a sense of optimism and lightness in the atmosphere.
As the start of 2015 came, it seemed so promising. My mom was even finishing her final chemo treatments and all were confident she would be declared in remission in January. Thinking back to it, I would describe it as a case of ignorance is bliss. I had no clue how fundamentally my entire world, and ultimately myself, would change in such a short period of time. I was so happy, I don’t think it ever even occurred to me to make resolutions.
I sit here 365 days later. I have dealt with more anxiety, chaos, and suffering in this period than any other time in my life. I was pushed to my breaking point repeatedly mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
My mother is gone now. My home will enter foreclosure in a few weeks. I have just one semester left until I finally finish my bachelor’s degree and hopefully start my career. I am literally standing at a fork in the road and I must chose which path to take. The only thing I know for certain is that things will change and next New Year’s Eve I will not be where I am now.
My New Year’s Resolutions
When I toyed with the idea of making a list of my own, I sat blankly, utterly devoid of a single idea. I’ve not made serious commitments since adolescence. Those were often long lists of arbitrary and overly ambitious goals.
Not surprisingly, after repeatedly failing to achieve any goals, I eventually quit writing them down. It shifted to mentioning a few of the usual suspects on New Year’s Eve and typically forgetting what was promised a few weeks later. So it’s been a lot of years since I’ve seriously sat down and taken stock of a previous year and thought about the upcoming year and what I really want to work on. Frankly, if I’m honest with myself, I’m not sure I’ve ever actually sat down and done that in a thoughtful way. Most of the resolutions I picked as a child were really based on the expectations of others.
After thinking for a while, I was able to come up with this list:
- Be mindful and aware in my actions and decisions
- Remember to take time for myself
- Remain grateful and express it often
- Write, read, meditate, and/or run regularly to maintain focus, good mental health, and lower stress
- Tell my daughter I love her everyday and take time to play with her as often as possible
- Remain composed in the face of obstacles and challenges
- Recognize and acknowledge when my actions, or lack there of, are causing myself anxiety or suffering and actively respond
- Recognize and acknowledge when my problems are caused from external circumstances and do not take the blame for them onto myself
- Be compassionate and kind to myself
- Use the same standards to judge myself as others and treat myself the same way I would treat them (reverse golden rule)
- Focus on doing meaningful projects and the work itself, rather than what results from it
Back to my original question: how do you make resolutions in times of change and uncertainty? Should you?
First, you realize that things are constantly changing and that suffering and death are the only constants in our lives. This is not a solemn conclusion, however. Rather when you understand this a few things become very clear.
The most relevant in terms of resolutions is that it won’t really matter if you drop those extra ten pounds, clean up your email inbox, or save a few extra dollars in the next year.
I have to say that despite my skepticism of making resolutions in the past, I think making them can be valuable, especially in times of great challenges. By looking at everything I’ve gone through in the past year I feel more optimistic about 2016. Not because I think that great things are going to happen or nothing worse could follow last year. Instead, by seeing that I’m still standing after a year of hell I realize that I am stronger than I ever thought possible and I can have confidence in myself to weather future storms. By looking at the list I’ve made, I also realize how radically I’ve changed personally over this year. I see where my priorities and focus are and feel good that I am on the right path.