I’m currently going through a tough time in my life and it’s depressing. My name is Joseph Maina Karimi, resident and citizen of Nyeri county Kenya.
The phase i’m in is crushing me.It began after I passed my high school main examinations (K.C.S.E 2014). Arrogance, pride and an ultra ego took control of me. I am the first person in my family to achieve such success and have a chance to attend a national university.
During the same period I discovered the internet.As a curious teenager I immediately began searching for pornographic material.I thank God because pornography had very little effects on me.
I also searched money and information about the world’s richest people. I craved such wealth and status. I was especially impressed by Mark Zuckerberg and Elizabeth Holmes then the worlds youngest billionaires. I set out on a journey to be like them and take every step they had taken to their success.
I read that most billionaires were atheists, go getters, dropouts and many traits that I now do not admire as a new christian. In an effort to emulate their success I adapted all their personalities. I lost my faith in christianity, I dropped out, I became rude to everyone including my parents, I became a narcist, loved and obsessed about money. I worshiped money and what money can buy.
I dropped out of college after a week in January 2016 to be the next Mark Zuckerberg and it didn’t work for me.
I enrolled in a mobile development school in September 2016 for a three month course. The course was so shallow that I couldn’t make an app or a website that was fit for the market. From December 2016 to April 2017 I taught myself and learned more about web frontend development. It is in this period that I hated myself and started harming myself.Depression kicked in and it was bad.
I remembered that Jesus Christ loves me and has His hands open for me. It took a while but I went into a new personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I instantly received peace and felt that God loves me and has remembered me. I was made blind to material things and lusts of this world.I believe that God is working on me.
I stopped what I was doing, developing websites for fun and learning, in obedience to the voice. God put dreams and ideas in me. I began obsessing about design mainly graphics design, illustration, film, video and animation. I think I now know that I’m meant to be a designer.
Money has always been a problem to me and my family, nuclear family. I recently planned an escape to Nairobi in search of greener pastures. I planned to live on the streets as I searched for jobs of any kind. I prayed about it and asked God to show me the right way. I opened twitter and a tweet read "Be still and know that I am God". The message was repeated the whole day on every media outlet I viewed.
I was reluncuntant but I was made to obey.
I’ll need to go to design school to learn and I believe God is faithful.I’m afraid to tell my parents of my educational goals. If I tell them they’ll start worrying and having sleepness nights. My father has persitent headaches and my mother has ulcers all because of stressing.
I’m currently searching for any kind of job so that I can help clear some of my parent’s debts.It’s so heart breaking seeing my parents struggle.
I trust in God and tell it all to Him in thanksgiving for He is my provider and my sustainer. I know that God deeply loves and cares for us .
I thank God for His Grace and Mercies upon my life.I tell you the truth if it were not for Gods hand in my life I would have been destroyed.
In all uncertainaties I choose not to be afraid for God has promised and He is faithful.
Thank You Jesus Christ.
Joseph Maina Karimi.
