I’m a Shy Photographer.

My quiet steps in overcoming shyness through photography.

I’m an introvert. It’s just the way I am. I prefer to listen rather than speak, to do things alone, and to spend quiet evenings at home reading to the sounds of Nas (I’ve been obsessed with his classic album, Illmatic, recently). Being reserved influences all my choices in life. I invest in a lot of personal time, where I delve into my latest curiosities and give myself the space to learn new things. Going to bed knowing I’ve improved on some aspect of my being is amongst the most rewarding feelings; those are the moments I live for.

However, being reserved does come with some baggage in my case. Doing things in solitary limits me to my own mind and too often, I’m underexposed to the valuable insights from those around me. Furthermore, I’m naturally shy and over time, I’ve grown to be too comfortable in my own skin; to the point where I’m drawing a line for my capabilities.

I love street photography. The zone I get in when I’m out with my camera is a meditative one. I block out all thoughts, except for those which keep me in the moment. I grow ever-more observant in spotting the fleeting instances of reality which, at a moment’s notice, are gone. Ironically, I find mindfulness while being amongst other people; a characteristic often shy to the introvert.

Now, let’s analyse the benefits and drawbacks of being an naturally reserved in the context of photography. As I mentioned above, I enjoy flying solo. As such I can spend hours wandering around alone without saying a word, and not skip a beat. I relish in those photo walks, in the ability to snap up the latest of the stimuli which call to me to aim and click. They’ve become my way of resetting, to ensure I return to my work as productive as ever having had the chance to do what I love.

Having a hobby which forces me to go outside is truly a blessing, as I have no qualms with spending a whole day indoors. However, the more photo walks I go on, the more I notice a common theme appearing. I’d see a person walking towards me, and something about them catches my eyes. I frame up the moment visually, and raise my camera to take the shot. Then, I’d see them make eye contact and I freeze. A stream of thoughts rush through my mind and I’m forcefully ejected from ‘the zone’. I think of a possible bad case scenario: perhaps the person angrily confronts me and curses at me (I’m sure all street photographers, myself included, have had this happen to them), or maybe they’re a violent person and won’t react too well when a stranger points his camera at them. Most of the time, they just walk by as if nothing happened. Because nothing happened.

This is a problem, because I’ve let so many perfect moments slip by; drifting into oblivion and never to be seen again. Not only is this weakness of mine creating so much waste in terms of possible photographs, it also eats at me. Each passing opportunity is my confidence being weathered away, bit by bit. Something definitely has to change.

Lately, to combat this flaw, I’ve been forcing myself into situations where I purposefully make my presence known to my subjects. I’d actively linger near them with my camera ready until they see me. Only then, will I take the picture. Usually, I smile at them afterwards or gesture to them in some way. Most of the time, people simply do not care. This brings me much peace of mind, as I now know my fears are not justified.

The other day, I ran into a friend who was on her phone. Seeing an opportune moment, I framed her up against the white brick wall and hit the shutter-release button. She must have heard my camera, as she looked up in the most piercing of stares. Then, she realised it was me and we had a good laugh. At that moment, it dawned on me perhaps if the people I was so worried about photographing were my friends, they’d probably react in a similar matter. Suddenly, people aren’t so scary after all.

Today, I took this picture while walking to my lecture. The men knew I was there, they shot me a few glances before returning to their break. I must have taken half a dozen shots and they never gave me another look. Perhaps people really simply do not care, and maybe I shouldn’t assume they do either. Street Photographer John Free talks about the pre-conceived notions we form within our minds when we photograph others, causing us to hesitate. If I want to take great photographs of people, I need to let go of this fear and realise my mind is my greatest enemy.

I’m a shy person and will always be a shy person, but that doesn’t mean I should be afraid. Photography is forcing me to confront my insecurities in a way which I would otherwise most probably not by myself. Discomfort pushes me towards finding a solution and I believe through each subsequent photograph, I’m improving not only my craft but also as a person.