Stipulating Necessities Removes Wants

The realization that a lot of what we expect and think we need out of life and from other people isn’t necessary or even useful, is the first step towards true independence.

About a month ago I watched the TED talks of Dr. Alan Watkins, and in the more recent one I quite liked and agree with the idea of taking control of your own mood and mental state by not holding the misconception that other people affect your inner state. And so I went on to practice just that.

This is one of those things which are easy to say, difficult to apply, but here are some of the steps you can do.

First thing, intention. Have the will and determination to actually let go of your dependency on others. If you don’t want to do it, you can’t. But the key thing here is that you’re not going to completely let go of people from your life, you should just stop making that dependency a necessity. That takes us to the second point.

Secondly, the luxury of others. You should solidify the realization that having people around you is a luxury, not a necessity. That you should always be comfortable being alone. You need not seek to be alone, just appreciate the existence of others in your life, when they’re there.

Finally, the classic, decrease expectations. Expect less from others. This one alone will get you far. Learn to limit and lower your expectations from others. Not only will it make you generally less disappointed, it will also make you practice gratitude, for any nice thing you get from those in your life. But still expect more from yourself.

Having a growth mentality alone can encompass all of these 3 points. Because when you think of any problem as a chance to grow, you won’t see it as insurmountable, you will either change it or change yourself.

If you struggle with these, start out by distancing yourself from those you expect a lot from, gradually you will come to realize that you can do well on your own. After that, you will start appreciating their mere existence in your life, and you will stop being disappointed by unnecessary expectations from others. Because you will no longer have any.

Yet, don’t drift away. You learn to become less dependent on people so that you can become a more dependable person yourself, for them.