What are Connections?

Being well connected is not determined by how many people you know, instead it is determined by how many “knows” you. Among these people who simply knows your name, real connections are the ones who approves or thinks highly of you. Only in this case the ‘friendship’ between you and your connection is meaningful and is capable of providing you with real value.

This kind of connections are not positively correlated with the number of lunches you go to or the number of parties being invited to. They are correlated with the number of years you stayed connected with a certain individual and the number of years your connection is willing to stay connected with you in the future. This is a rather wordy sentence, so let me rephrase it. Being connected is a mutual relationship, so as much as you enjoy the company of your connections, they have to enjoy yours too. This is indicated by many repeated dates, outings, lunches and family BBQs through the years in the past, and possibly many repeated events being planned with you as guests in the future. They are the ones that you turn to in times of need and vice versa.

The above is a pretty accurate description of a good friendship, but somehow it sounded all wrong when we substitute the subject with Connections. It feels as if in order to make someone a useful connection we need to have a purpose or a motive in mind before approaching them. For example, Jim just got a job in a big Accounting firm, I need to make him my connection so he will introduce me to the firm after I graduate. Lela is going to be an adjunct in this university, I need to make her my connection just in case my son needs a reference letter for the college. It seems once someone is put into the category of a Connection, our interactions with them become more calculative. We might have a tendency to keep track of the time and money spent while with them, or compare their possible benefit with how much cultivation of this relationship should be invested. Once the relationship is framed this way, the interaction can become a bit of a chore.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just make friends rather than connections? I remember in my university years our Career Counsellors and Professors always encourage us to go out and make connections. So the keeners went to every career events, cocktail networking and conventions possible to collect business cards and LinkedIn connections. I tried that for a term, and the activities became so much a chore I later gave up, just like weekend dirty dishes. Maybe their efforts served them alright in the end, maybe not… This is a research question that is yet need to be supported by data.

If you have gone through this far in this writing, I have some bad news for you. I do not have the answer for my title, so I do not know what are real connections. I may have them and I may not. You may have them and you may not. We will never know until there comes the occasion where we might need them.