The Virtue of Not Giving a F*ck

I don’t know at which point in our human history, “not giving a fuck” became such a virtue, but I can assure you: shit went downhill from there.

You know what I’m talking about! Who was the most popular kid when you were in school? The thoughtful, sincere kid who studied for 6 hours a day and read literary classics, or the football jock who didn’t care about anyone and just did what he pleased, stealing lunch money and knocking down kids in the hall? Such a phenomenon is more or less pervasive in college, university, your professional life, your personal life, in politics, in business … everywhere!

Since when has possessing an air of indifference become such a highly valued quality? And what does that tell us about ourselves? Are we, as a species, so afraid to care about the people and things closest to use that we, in fact, admire people who breeze through life without giving a damn? Without having a shred of empathy? Do we want to emulate ourselves to that?

We are in the golden age of consumerism, and that much is pretty clear unless your postal address refers to a piece of rock, out in the middle of nowhere, under which you’ve been living all these years. Wal-Mart tells us to stock up on a month’s worth of Twinkies while Netflix coaxes us to tune out the outside world and see “just one more episode.” We usually are so immersed in binge watching — as well as manically flapping our arms and shooing away those who dare disturb us during our Netflix sessions — that, I feel, “Netflix and Chill” must be either a desperate fantasy of those wishing for some company while their tv show buffers or a joke to express the absurdity of the idea, akin to nicknaming a big man “Tiny”. (Those looking for a moment of intimacy with their cherished ones don’t need Netflix running in the background to do it unless you’re celebrating your 10th anniversary and have reached the blessed point in life of not needing a fancy restaurant date to validate your special occasions or your relationship.)

But I guess being self-indulgent and partaking in hedonistic behavior isn’t enough for us, during the time that we do spend in the company of others we’d like to show them that we don’t care, that nothing affects us, that we are untouchable, aloof. Superman without the Kryptonite, Bruce Wayne without the dead parents. We don’t want others to see our cracks, our vulnerabilities. We don’t want them to see the part of us that cries when seeing a dog die in a movie; the part of us that is so afraid of getting hurt in a relationship that we can’t remember the last time we went out on a date; the part of us that would rather lock ourselves in our rooms and watch Netflix than go meet old friends or make some new ones; the part of us that’s so offended with past wrongs that we feel paralyzed and unable to talk about it to others, shutting ourselves out and isolating ourselves further and further and further.

And let’s face it, it’s damn hard to get out of this mess now. Talking about your feelings will just give others ammo to mock you, or so your insecurities would have you believe. Although, I guess there is a good chance of that happening, then again, there is a good chance of you dying in a car crash. That doesn’t stop you from getting into your car every morning, does it? Then why do we give up on love? On friendship? On expressing ourselves? On life?

Why don’t we get past our fear and see what’s on the other side? Why don’t we take a “leap of faith”, as they say? Why don’t we meet someone new and see where it leads? Why don’t we express what we are feeling? Why don’t we hear what others are expressing and appreciate them instead of mocking them? Why don’t we introduce ourselves to the person standing next to us at the bus stop, instead of being glued to our Instagram, full of pictures meticulously displayed to exhibit our fake life?

(As a side note, yes, social network has its place in the world, yes, Facebook is a great, innovative tool for staying in touch with friends and family too far away to meet; yes, Instagram is a great medium for photographers and artists to showcase their talent; yes, Twitter lets you receive news and updates as they happen, instantaneously. But since when did these platforms become anything more than a tool, when did we start obsessing over them to the detriment of our lives and our personality.)

What’s the solution? The oldest trick in the book, I guess: trial and error. Meet someone new, introduce yourself, get to know them, express yourself, and if they don’t appreciate you, don’t give up, just move on and find someone who will. Don’t be afraid to cry, to bleed, to work hard, to connect. Don’t be afraid of standing up to the bully in the class, don’t be afraid of getting rejected by the girl you have a crush on, don’t be afraid of the disappointment your parents might have if you come out to them, don’t be afraid of working long hours and asking for that promotion you’ve always wanted.

Don’t be afraid to live!