You have a choice.
Through this 25 years of existence, I must say that I have made wrong choices and decisions in my life like being with the wrong circle of friends. At that time, I didn’t even know if they are actually my ‘friends’ because it was all fun being with them, the partying, the boys, the drugs, the alcohol but looking at it now, they weren’t really the people I want to be with for me to be a better individual in the long run. To be honest, it was fun while it lasted. I’ve realized though that they were toxic for me enough to drag me down to their false mindsets about life in general. I have nothing against how they view their lives or how they want to hustle with it but I have different goals and values in my life that made me realize that I don’t need them in my life.
At first, I was scared that they might say things about me when I leave the group (which I’m sure they already did upon hearing from mutual acquaintances) but from my definition of what an authentic friendship is — they won’t create these negative image of me to other people just because they thought I was judging them or they would first understand where I am coming from or they would be self-aware that hey what April is saying about me is actually true and that I must do something about it.
When I leave a relationship, may it be a romantic one or friendship, I’ve thought about it a million times, believe me. I’ve weighed the pros and cons and the impact of it to me and to those involved. I consider myself a very patient person/friend when it comes to my friends’ problems/rants and such, I will try my best to be a listener and be with you along the way and as much as possible, provide realistic pieces of advice to you. BUT, if you keep on ranting about the same damn thing over and over again, coming to me as if you carry the weight of the entire world, then here I go again providing the same pieces of advice I’ve given you ten million times before and sick and tired of hearing the same thing from you, don’t expect me to be friends with you.
To my friends whom I’ve left ages ago, let me say this to you: You are the fucking captain of your ship. No matter how many times we go back and forth talking about your endless rants/problems about men/money/work/life, no matter how many times I listen to you and be with you and provide gazillion pieces of advice, if you are not doing anything about it, nothing will ever change. Stop blaming those men you’ve dated who just screwed you and left you, stop blaming your annoying workmates or horrible bosses, stop blaming your family that’s why you grew up to be that way, stop blaming the world for all your problems. Blame one person: YOU. I’ve been in this for the longest time before, I’ve blamed so many things and people for making me feel miserable but I have a choice, a choice to make these things or people stop. So, you have a choice, figure out things, have more time with yourself and really REALLY figure out yourself, have self-awareness, REALLY think and point out that thing that makes you unhappy, then solve it yourself. I’m only here to listen, a part of your catharsis as you are biologically and psychologically wired as a woman who needs such. But if we are going to a vicious cycle, I don’t serve a single purpose to you and as a sign of respect, I will leave the friendship or whatever we had.
I once googled Obama’s childhood and it wasn’t really the perfect one. In fact, it was a bit messy and complicated. But look at all his accomplishments, he even has the highest position in the US! So I realized that his past or failures didn’t define what his future will be, he just worked his ass off so hard and push towards his goal with the right mindset and attitude. So don’t come to me as if you have the worst life ever, come on. Be an adult. And talking about depression? I have been there, I have been depressed for months but you know what I did? I tried figuring out what’s causing my depression and worked my way through it and I always made a decision to move forward and leave things I have to let go. See, we always have a choice so stop acting like there’s no solution to whatever problems you have. I also have a problem. Lots of them! But I chose to view them with a more positive mindset and tackle them accordingly.
Funny how I just saw photos online of those people I used to be friends with while hearing the same stories about them. I just laugh it off and I am beyond happy I am not with them anymore. It’s amazing how I can be strong enough to leave things or people behind and treasure those who encourages me to move forward with this crazy life. Look if you think some people doesn’t make the cut anymore, don’t be afraid to leave. More than anything else, listen to yourself — if it tells you something is wrong, most probably there is and you are the one responsible in handling it. All this time I ‘ve neglected myself because of others and this time I will really continue making time loving myself — the good things and the bad things. I also make sure to blame no one but myself whatever it is unpleasant I’m experiencing and that I do have a choice in everything. My goal which I’ve started just last year is to always find that happiness within myself first and establish that relationship with myself because no matter how many times I look for it externally or through people, it will never make me genuinely happy. You might want to try it too! It’s life-changing! :)
Originally published at apesdangereuxdoux.tumblr.com.
