5 Tips for Making Amends with Friends and Family after Addiction

The holiday you didn’t know was a holiday, National Kiss and Makeup Day, is here. Celebrated August 25th, it’s a day focused on making amends and repairing relationships that have been damaged by mistrust, hurtful words, and argument — or what may feel like every day in early recovery. If you feel you have no harm to repair due to choices made during active addiction, it may be a good idea to pause and take a long, honest look at some of the relationships you had before addiction took the reins the relationships you have now, and notice how things have changed.
If you are like most people in recovery who recognize the great toll that untreated mental health symptoms and an untreated substance use disorder took on loved ones, here are a few tips to help you start making real and lasting amends:
- Show up. Half the battle may be getting yourself to the point where you are ready to have a real and meaningful discussion with someone who you see every day and tell them that you are ready to make amends for the things you have done. Or, it may be trying to find someone who is no longer part of your life and facing them after months or years apart. It is recommended that you make amends in person whenever possible because it allows the opportunity to have a dialogue with the person, which in turn can lead to long-term healing for both parties. However, if that is impossible, a letter or message may be an appropriate substitute so you can find closure and move forward.
- Say what you did and “I’m sorry.” It may sound intuitive, but it is a good idea to actually say the things you did out loud and to say the words “I’m sorry.” This ensures that you and the other person are on the same page for whatever proceeds.
- Follow up with action. In some cases, there may literally be no way to repair the damage done other than to apologize. However, if there is an appropriate action that will right the harm, make the offer. For example, if you stole money from someone to pay for drugs, offer to repay it.
- Listen. Making amends is not just about you airing your feelings and getting closure for yourself. It is also about offering the other person the opportunity for closure and a chance to “say their piece” as well. If they wish to do this, give them the respect of hearing them out whether or not you agree with them.
- Respect the other person’s wishes. If the person you are trying to apologize to slams the door in your face or otherwise makes it clear that they have no interest in talking to you or knowing you, give them the right to make that choice and the space they are asking for.
First on the Scene
If your family is struggling with depression, anxiety, and/or drug and alcohol abuse issues due to the nature of the firefighting profession, we can be first on the scene to assist. At American Addiction Centers, we offer a First Responder Lifeline program that features a range of research-based therapies, treatments, and support, including:
· PTSD assessment and treatment
· Interactive motivational therapies
· Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
· Family groups and family support
· Assistance with reintegration post treatment
If your family relationships are in distress due to the stress and hardship caused by ongoing drug abuse and drinking, positive change can come with directed treatment services. Contact American Addiction Centers today (866) 53-SOBER to connect with a treatment facility that offers our renowned First Responder Lifeline program.
