Day 2: Don’t give in to the dark side!
Today’s goal: 2 of everything…2 min. jog, 2 push-up, 2 sit-ups, 2 lunges, 2-dips, 2 air squats, 2 box jumps.
Before:
Today I was absolutely exhausted by 10 a.m. I had a restless brain last night and I woke up at 4 a.m. and started working. Everything was great actually. I had tremendous energy and desire to both get my work done and bring my best to the family. I worked ahead on many of my work tasks and wrote a lot of drafts for this project. I felt great.
As the day wore on my physical and mental energy waned. I snoozed in the car on our way to watch my daughter’s cross-country meet and had a great time there. By the time we arrived back home (after an hour drive) I could barely keep my eyes open for supper.
Psychologically and emotionally I was working extra hard to focus my mind on the positive aspect of everything that was happening: The food, the table conversation, non-verbal behaviors. All appeared to be conspiring against me; like a a little devil on my shoulder whispering in my ear.
Suddenly, my wife said, “You don’t have to exercise. I mean, have you even published the first one yet? You could just shower and go to bed.” That is how easy it is to give-in. Ourselves, our environment, our dearest loved ones, all with the best intentions, want the familiar and predictable behavior. Thank goodness for her comment! I was up and out the door in no time.
During:
When I do my jog section (for two minutes today) it is more of a run, not quite a sprint. After one minute I was done with all nagging negative narratives in my head. I had to really call on past positive experiences of physical accomplishment and focus on finishing out the last minute. I made it and instantly I was back on the positive mental focus.
After:
My energy shot back up for another two hours and I was able to do a couple of house chores and finish some writing.
I want to unpack this a bit more. Exercise is well documented to be very effective for altering our moods and boosting our endorphin level, etc. It is good for us, we all know that. I do not disagree and I think there is more to my experience.
Under the hood
I think there is an order of experience, learning, a journey that must occur before being able to push through the Dark Side and achieve any breakthrough. In fact, I think figuring out that order is the actual breakthrough. Here is how it works for me:
- Choosing to raise my awareness about my own behavior. Getting open to my own Dark Side, my crap…looking in the mirror and accepting it. Being vulnerable enough and open to others in order to ask for help.
- Searching for options and learning effective replacement strategies.
- Implementation. Follow-through.
- Start again, and again. Don’t stop. Peel back the layers and start at number one again.
Most importantly, for me, was taking the step to get very uncomfortably honest with myself and my wife, then asking for help and support.
In that moment at dinner I was faced with the choice once again……Listen to the old familiar negative narratives or take the emotional risk to do something different. All the old voices in my head were shouting, “It is just two minutes. You haven’t published anything yet. Just go to sleep. You will feel better and be refreshed tomorrow anyway.” That choice would have been easy. That choice would have felt good physically, mentally, and emotionally (for a while).
Exercise is great and in and of itself can’t facilitate this type of personal development. There has to be awareness of self, understanding of personal motivation, and the ability to see the our triggers for self-sabotage.
For me, the root to this change is being vulnerable with another person (in my case my wife) and sharing that struggle with them.
With gratitude,
Aaron
P.S. My dog was appalled because I left her at home!
