Flash Fiction Break

A Gust of Wind Blows in through the Window

by Anne Weisgerber

Am I the only one who hated the weather this morning? I just wanted to punch someone in the neck. I did hear Mercury is in retrograde, and I’m not all groovy-groovy hipster thing, but still…. All I’ve been thinking about the past few classes is what I’m going to have for a snack when I get home. I was taught an Einstein quote by an old friend of mine, a Native American chief. (Stands on chair and starts chanting.) Here’s the deal: If you use relatable, I will make you cry. These announcements in the middle of the period are killing me. Robert Burns was a very sexy guy for his day. Two mornings ago at 2:47 I heard this: (knocks on board twice). I immediately thought my childhood cockatiel Frito had returned. Is the vocab due tomorrow? Are you high? There’s a Breaking Bad called “Ozymandias. ” Stop putting so much swagger on your sentences. They’re commas, not Maori tattoos. This morning I was sitting in my car in the parking lot giving myself a pep talk. I was saying “Come on! Get in there! ” What do you think it’s like to be a Kardashian puppy? The Citroen DS 19 is a perfect example of epicene design, as is David Bowie. My tombstone will say: she despised Spielberg. Schindler made everyone believe the world was full of rescuers. The whole point of Private Ryan was to make people vomit. There are no healthy adult relationships. I’m super cranky with this testing schedule. Like, if there were a kitten, I’d kick it. If you don’t say Goethe correctly, it’s like saying Shakes-pee-airy. I’ve been having anxiety attacks. I don’t know if you can see this, but my brain is sparkling. Did you hear that? Edmund just sold out his dad. That BASTARD. Gordon Ramsay’s AMA yesterday was amazing. We blame all the weird noises in my house on a ghost dog. This guy tied weather balloons to a webbed aluminum lawn chair — I think he bought it at Sears — and took off. There he is! We were just talking about you! I wonder if there will be snacks at the meeting. Do you now what an earwig is? “Oh my God, there was one in my basement that was THIS big and…” STOP! Let’s read Huckleberry Finn, a work of troubling greatness.

Originally published in The Journal of Compressed Creative Arts.