A Grandstaff
Jul 24, 2017 · 2 min read

Don't wait for someone else to buy you flowers.

Two weeks and a day ago, two people I loved enough that it changed me, I believe for the better, ended our relationship.

It hurts, it will for a while and I won't pretend that I'm not still in the place that buys romance novels and comedies where people turn back around and decide to fight the odds to be together.

Those feelings aren't what this status is about.

This post is about defining your worth for others, not just in words but in how you treat yourself.

Due to a number of factors growing up, I became a fiercely independent person, to a fault. It never occurred to me to ask others for help or support, and the amount I've reached out to others in the last week has felt obscenely codependent. I also for a long time prided myself on being "low maintenance" on not needing much in the way of gesture to feel loved.

Both those attitudes are bullshit.

We all need people. And we all need reassurance that we are loved.

And when we don't make opportunities for others to show up for us, or teach them ways we can be loved, we block the connections between us.

Back to the flowers. My most recent partners were the first people I dated who ever bought me a bouquet. It meant a lot, I may have cried.

Prior to them, one ex, upon me being given flowers by their parents and being very happy about it said "I thought you didn't *like* flowers."

Truth was, I love flowers. I just thought of them as too special to ask of other people, or to buy for myself. And that attitude pretty much gauranteed me never getting them.

TLDR: Be your best suitor. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others treat you. Don't use all your pocket money on little gifts for everyone else, include yourself. Don't save your best peptalks for everyone else and shrug your shoulders when you're struggling.

You are your lifelong companion, you are your first champion, and you set the bar for how others treat you.

Make sure you're setting the bar at a decent level, so when someone fails those standards, you don't stick around longer than you should believing "well, they're better than I expected."

Be good to yourself.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade