High Expectations and Low Standards Do Not Match
The standards you hold yourself to will be the standards that your friends and family come to know you by. How you treat yourself will be how they treat you. You cannot have higher expectations for others, and lower standards for yourself.
This is utter hypocrisy.
When you are dissatisfied with the attitudes and actions of all those around you, that is not solely upon them. That is your “bar of acceptance” that you’ve lived with and allowed to become the norm. They act that way because YOU act that way, because you ARE that way.
The gap between how we think of ourselves and the reality of our lives can be a vast one then. And it’s sobering to admit this at times. Who you are is how you live. When you are dead, your personal opinion of your life ceases to exist. People will remember what was concrete, and how you made them feel. Dramatic example, but it’s true. It’s true every day of your life.
Emotions don’t get you far. This gap of expectations and standards is, in essence, a battle of expectations versus reality. If you want to a different life, change how you live. How you feel is rather inert otherwise. No one cares.
This gap is most often revealed when people attempt to be “healthy” and make changes, and then they find themselves surrounded by saboteurs. This happens to my clients constantly. It’s always shocking for people in a way. You would never think that diet and exercise and trying to get more sleep would be upsetting to people, but it is.
- husbands get angry at their wives for being fitter than them (this is an article unto itself)
- -women lose their whole circle of friends (and get told out of nowhere they are bitchy and selfish)
- -families completely turn on the family member that declines to gorge on food at family functions and has lost weight
- -men lose their whole circle of “bros” because they don’t want to drink beer and sit on the couch for 39 hours straight on the weekends. Examples are endless.
When your leisure time and bonding time is done over your vices, bad habits, and general wasting of time, those people are NOT going to feel bonded to you when you change. Even worse, they are probably going to hate you for it. Our “inner circles” are personal reflections of ourselves. And we like those reflections to be favorable. What to do, what to do?
You must accept the reality that when you make changes for the better, you are probably going to lose people in some fashion or another. And this needs to happen. This is where the hypocrisy truly reveals itself. Because you realize your friends, or even your family, they were never as good or as loyal or as upstanding as you thought they were. And you weren’t either. You’d THINK that people would want to the best for you. But they don’t. They want what makes them comfortable.
And in a way, that is what you wanted as well, up until the point you decided to live differently. That critical gap is where the opportunities for growth are. That gap is also where your frustrations and aggravations come from whenever you attempt to “change”.
I’m not one for platitudes. You cannot lose faith that personal growth will be worth it, and never lose that faith. At the same time, you need to the discipline to face your reality, regardless of how disappointing it is.
Do that, and you will do alright in life.
Originally published at alexanderjuanantoniocortes.com.