(with a few extras)

This innocent looking, happy clappy, dandelion strewn sign is what greets you when you walk into my local library. I want to repeat two things from this first sentence in capital letters because capital letters are all I have.


I expect dandelions were chosen because their heads turn to fluff which gets blown away with the breeze as they stand, impassive, unresistant, letting life happen to them. And so, say the multitude of self-help books accosting you in the entrance and throughout this once most thrilling of buildings.

I do understand that the second part of the sign is probably intended to be the important part but find it obscene that it would ever be considered to be compatible with the first.

War = Peace

Thought = Death

Is that dramatic? This is by default what’s being said and unfortunately it’s part of a trend not some stupid, hippy new staff member. Remember, children will see this, children who are just learning to read (and think)

Despite progression over thousands of years, many experts believe we are both losing cognitive ability and becoming more emotionally unstable.

“The average citizen from Athens of 1000BC would appear the brightest and most intellectually alive of our colleagues and companions, with a good memory, broad range of ideas and clear sighted view of important issues, furthermore, I would guess he or she would be among the most emotionally stable” A geneticist began his article in the scientific journal “Trends in Genetics”

Others believe that the reason humans seem to be getting stupider is the structure of the English language with its great emphasis on illogical emotions and faceless content of similes and antonyms (not to mention emojis 😱)

It’s as if the world has been made safe for morons. People who would once have been on the edges of society are driving it. The button thumping, instant gratification of the internet was very predictably hijacked almost instantly by the human races’ inner two-year-old.

Social media could have been made for new age platitudes, memes and cliches. It’s become pretty standard speak for many a fifty something mum who’s never even seen an ashram or an amethyst.

“Going to get rid of everything negative and harness the good energies around me. I can manifest my own magic and be the architect of my dreams”

Once the language of a cult leader, now the half-hearted attention mining from a sixty-year-old car park manager or a wise 17 year old Yoda in Superdry.

Another possible factor is that society is becoming lazier and lazier. We need an app to drive somewhere? We need a remote control to lower volume?

“History is only the pattern of silken slippers descending the stairs to the thunder of hobnailed boots climbing upward from below.”

~ Voltaire

Except we’ve surpassed the silk slippers and are in giant animal faced ones with our pampered, lardy carcasses stuffed into cartoon onesies with slogans and pictures of sheep. ‘Sheepy Night Nights’ or something. We are infantilised and self-help culture is our Calpol.

Our genes are not static; they are dynamic and react with their environment so that a molly coddling, feel-good culture combined with cognitive laziness will create genetic changes which get passed down the line.

Just as Orwell’s oversight was the internet, the brilliant film ‘Idiocracy’ missed out how our handcuffs would be made of dream catchers and our prisons would be yoga retreats.

‘Because I’m worth it’ is more than a sickly ad tag, it’s the zeitgeist backed up by local authorities, the medical establishment (don’t like your gender? Awwww we’ll fix that for you, have a lollipop) education departments (safe spaces, counselling for things like Brexit and Trump) and the media. ‘I DESERVE it’

Words like ‘depression’ ‘breakdown’ and ‘PTSD’ once reserved for people like Elizabeth Fritzel are now dropped into conversations like ‘chocolate ‘hobnob’ and the way it insults and dilutes the genuinely deserving is as indecent as it is pathetic.

And that brings me back to the sign in what was once an exciting book lined cave of experimentation and excitement, the local library.

Why should you ‘think’ if it doesn’t make you feel good? Get a colouring book, a massage, some animal slippers and eradicate all the ‘negative’ in your life (a Paul McKenna event recently advised the audience to extricate themselves from ill people since they had attracted illness through negativity) so, forget that hospital visit to your dying auntie then. Negative bitch.

Why should anything piss on your sunshine? You big baby.

“Welcome to Costco, I love you”

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