“Rome is built on ruins and is quite breathtaking; what makes you think you can’t be too?”
It’s tough living like you’re hanging on a thin thread. It seems like fragility is nothing new. I always seem to think that after any break-ups many people tend to feel like this. Because it’s not the “usual” anymore. No one to text, no one to call, no one to tell your stories to at the end of the day, it’s a different routine now. Now is very different from then.
I was never a fan of “healing” until I had no other choice but to do it. Slowly I realized, nothing is as beautiful as finally realizing that no one can fix you better than you alone. That’s the first step, start with yourself. Just you.
Start with you. Start with tough and hard ones, first. You. You can’t seem to get him out of your mind? Think of him often. You can’t help to text him even if you shouldn’t, God, you shouldn’t but go ahead. You can’t burn all the slightest memories you had with him even if your friends already told you so then, let them say “I told you so.” You always seem to listen to his favorite songs still, never hesitate to sing along. You can’t force yourself to stop stalking his account on every social media sites, feel free to scroll. At this stage, don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember, love is just a feeling. Feelings end. It’s not like you’re not used to this but, you just need to remember. Do not hesitate. Do not fight what you really feel. Feel broken, feel worthless, feel damaged, feel unhappy because that is what you truly feel, right?
2. All About HIM
Felt bad? Uneasy? Hurt? If you have slept all day and cried all night then, you are ready for the next stage. Him. Recognize and remember all the good times. It may make you feel more hurt but now, think and recall times where you thought you deserved better, times where you felt what you’re feeling now, worthless, unhappy, damaged, broken, but the difference is at that time, you’re with him. Isn’t it his job to always ensure that you won’t feel that way? Notice the wrongs and let go of the good, for you have wandered there long. Open your eyes and start noticing. It’s about time you should.
3. Alright, Okay
Now that you’re here, linger, for this stage is the most crucial and longest part of the process. You have now seen every wrong and right and everything that hurt. You’re now in the middle. Some days you’ll be thinking, “So what, if he did those bad things to me? It’s not like it’ll ever beat the good ones” and just fall back into step 1 again, or, other days would be just like, “So what, if he did all those good things to me? It’s not like it’ll ever beat the bad ones” and be stuck to step 2 forever which can cause hatred and that’s no healing. This is the most confusing of all because at this point, you’re as lost as your soul. Mind and heart, for the first time, agree on things and that’s just confusing you even more. But in time with all the thinking you’ll feel tired. Tired of remembering, forgetting. Either way, you’ll feel tired of it all. So once you’re on this stage, go out with friends, bond with your sister, go to the mall with your mother, never hesitate to do something different, try something you haven’t tried before. Consider a different haircut. Adopt a pet. Make poems. Read books. Learn how to cook, drive, accept things to the way they should be. During this stage, do not think of him any longer and with a straight face say, “I’ll be alright, okay.”
4. What Now?
You’re here. Finally. After all the twists and turns, you finally realize he is no good for you, not anymore. So, what now?
Most people seem to forget this stage, the one and true purpose why they have made all this progress after all. Heal by forgiving. If you cannot forgive, you cannot heal the wounds you’ve been trying to hide all this time. Forgiving isn’t easy, that’s why it is only done by people who are strong. But having passed all the stages and you’re here now, finally, ultimately then makes you strong so what’s stopping you? Forgive him, for hurting you and do remember that you didn’t deserve it. Forgive yourself, and all the slightest signs you ignored for love, the pain you have cost to yourself. Forgive, but do not forget. A good heart forgives and forgets but, a strong heart only forgives. Experience is the most brutal of all teachers and the lessons it leaves behind must never be forgotten.
5. Today Is Never Too Late To Be Brand New
You have healed yourself.
Remember all the happiness, pain and everything you felt as a constant reminder of what’s left of you and what’s ahead.
You have healed yourself.
Everything else is all up to you now.