The Art of Acting Out of Character
Why you should sometimes pursue projects that don’t come naturally to you
Rose Young has longed to go horseback riding since she was five. Being an anxious soul, however, who feared falling off the horse and injuring herself, she never pursued her dream further. Then she was diagnosed with breast cancer in her 60s and, determined to find new joy in her life, decided to give horseback riding a try.
Growing up on a farm in Kentucky, Martha Prewitt wanted nothing more than to leave. So after high school, she followed her passion and became a classical singer. Over the next 15 years, she received a master’s degree in vocal performance and sang at various opera houses. But some things in the industry didn’t sit well with her. And so, when she was 33, and her father died, she wondered if she should leave the stage behind to become a farmer and return to rural life.
The stories of Rose and Martha, featured in the New York Times series “Never too late,” highlight an interesting question. Should you pursue projects that are dear to you but require behaving in a way that does not come naturally to you? Does it make sense for a fearful 60+-year-old woman to learn horseback riding? Is it wise for an artist who loves performing to ditch the stage to run a farm?
It is a question many people stumble upon at some point in their life. Think of an agreeable introvert who dreams of becoming an assertive activist for social justice. Or a slapdash nature lover who ponders signing up for a citizen science project where the task is to count insects meticulously. Or a high-strung loner who is about to book a group sailing trip in the Mediterranean Sea. Will they be able to find enjoyment and fulfillment in these pursuits? Or will the effort to act out of character overshadow their endeavors?
Authenticity is highly valued today. If you stick to “just being yourself,” if you behave in a way that corresponds to your nature, you will be successful and happy. This is common advice. But in reality, it is more complicated than that. Because what happens if what you desire to do doesn’t match your character traits?
Brian Little has some interesting things to say about this. Little, who is currently a Senior Fellow at the University of Pennsylvania and Professor Emeritus at Carleton University in Ottawa, is one of the most original personality researchers I know. He argues that you should indeed act out of character sometimes as long as you are aware of some risks and limitations this entails.
Acting out of character can mean that a shy person seeks the limelight, an impatient person decides to take it slow, or a bold person deliberately acts gently, even though they must fake it in some ways.
This type of strategic role-playing is the essence of Little’s Free Trait Theory. The use of so-called free traits, Little points out, opens up paths to personal growth that remain closed if you limit yourself to the characteristics your genes and the culture you grew up in have endowed you with.
Let’s take a closer look at what Little’s theory is about. The Free Trait Theory distinguishes three ways in which people can be “themselves”:
- The first is biological. Most scientists today agree that personality has partial genetic roots. It is estimated that about 40 to 60 percent of inter-individual differences in traits such as extraversion and agreeableness are hereditary.
- A second influencing factor is of a social nature. During socialization, a child learns from parents and other people which behaviors are viewed as appropriate. The rules and norms can vary greatly depending on the social and cultural environment. Over time, these behaviors often become habits and even second nature.
- What is unique about Little’s theory is the third aspect. He argues that beyond the influences of biology and the environment, people can consciously adopt behavioral patterns that contradict their genetic or socio-cultural nature. For example, a biologically introverted woman from an “introverted culture” may still find herself passionately drawn to work as a war reporter, covering dangerous events on the ground. To be successful at this, she must probably act more extroverted than she is. Little calls this kind of extroversion a free trait. “Their origin,” he writes, “is neither in a person’s genetically formed first nature nor in influences that can be traced back solely to social roles and contextual pressures. Rather, these are personally constructed patterns of action used strategically to advance goals and projects that are important to the individual.”
Little knows what he’s talking about from personal experience. The psychologist is considered a gifted teacher. When he was working at Harvard University, his lectures were legendary. He whirled around on stage, told jokes, and sang. The students loved his energetic and witty performances, and the lessons often ended with a standing ovation.
But if you think that he is a natural extrovert, you are wrong. When not giving lectures, he is an extremely quiet and introspective person, writes author Susan Cain, who describes him in her book Quiet. The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. He enjoys retreating with his wife to his home in the Canadian woods. He spends his free time reading, writing, and listening to music and prefers one-on-one conversations to parties. So how does the quiet loner square with the outgoing speaker? It is precisely this question that Little addresses in his approach.
Little’s lecture style is unusual for an introvert. But when you consider his goals and values, it makes sense: The professor cares deeply about his students; broadening their intellectual horizons and caring for their well-being are two important personal projects of his. So when delivering engaging lectures, he deliberately uses free traits to captivate his students and facilitate learning.
For people like anxious Rose, who desperately wants to learn horseback riding, stage-loving Martha, who plans to live a remote farmers-life, and the rest of us who dream of pursuing projects that do not come naturally to us, Little’s theory is good news. You can — and should — act out of character if it helps advance values dear to you.
There are, however, limits to this. What these are and how you can deal with them will be the topic of my next post.
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This article was originally published in my Substack newsletter Onward .
