Dreams again

The dream of us getting back together is recurring nightly as I doze off in the evening. I wake up feeling guilty, as there is somebody else beside me on the other side of the bed.

It’s been nearly twenty years since we met, and at least a decade since we’ve last met. But you were my first love, and it was a summer that I shall never forget.

The dream was authentic, plausible… Actually, possible. As I recall the dream scenes it starts to fade away, but I shall try my best to recall as much as possible.

We met, finally, after a couple of decades, at a coffee shop. We chatted and enjoyed each other’s company. I know she’s married, we both are. The conversation is exactly how I’d remembered it twenty years ago. It was much to do about nothing, but it was a marvelous time. I, in my dream, is obviously substantially more brave than reality. I said to her, calmly

You were my first love. I’ve never forgotten about you.

And that, really, is what I want to say if I do get to meet her again someday. It just want to to say I loved her. It is too beautiful of a thing to try ruin. My heart flutters and I felt relieved. This one sentence has been stuck in my head for long, way too long.

She responded warmly to my comment, she knew I loved her. I know she does.

It was so nice to be able to sit down with the one that got away. I recognize that my first love was and likely to be the truest of all loves. Even though it didn’t work out, but there were no animosity, we were both very young. It is the collective memory of our youth. I found it to be an absolutely beautiful experience, despite the inevitable heartbreak.

The tragic part of all this, is that we were never together, for reasons that are still beyond me. We clearly loved each other, but we couldn’t overcome. Oh the heart-break, the beauty, the tragedy… And yes, that was my first love. The one that got away.

With that I am awake, jolted back to reality and 4:30am. Waking up felt weird. My heart was fluttering and aching at the same time. After so many years she still has power over me.

We haven’t been in touch for many years, I don’t know how to reach her. Maybe it’s all for the better, for she will be forever perfect, eternally beautiful, in a place where my love for her shall never end.

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