I loved her, sure. But love doesn’t keep the water out of the bottom of the boat, does it? (It ended and I moved away.) Abiding by the unspoken contract written when you go and break someone’s heart, I was careful to not contact her. The days went on, the…

There’s a craft to everything — building a shed, tying a lure, digging a hole; if you spend enough time on anything, you end up learning how to do it better. How to do it right. …

Carbon Monoxide is created by the incomplete combustion of organic matter; it’s what happens when fuel is burnt in an area with restricted oxygen. Like a car engine. While not deadly to all forms of life, Carbon Monoxide poisoning can be fatal to humans. …

And what happens next is like something right out of the movies. *** Do something. So this is what you do: As the bus pulls away with all of its passengers save one, you step up and pull her close, the blood from your forehead dripping onto the snow white…

There’s this secret about Life that nobody really wants to talk about. The Grind. Life can be great sometimes, sure: We’ve all Instagrammed a beautiful sunset here and there. And two weeks a year, we get to go on a vacation from our jobs and try to unplug and fly…

So I’m getting dressed to go to this party and I’m struggling to put this stupid pomade in my hair in a sad attempt to look slightly less like Guy Fieri when the light in my bathroom goes out and I still have to take a shit before I leave…

After losing 90lbs and writing “How To Lose Weight in 4 Easy Steps”, I get a lot of questions about weight loss. It’s a little weird, because I’m not a nutritionist, or a personal trainer, or an expert on fitness —or an expert on anything, really. …

Your whole life, you’ve only ever lied to one person. After the Love of Your Life finishes slapping you in the chest and tearing at your shirt and clawing at your face and screaming that she wishes you were dead and unceremoniously gets into her Uber screaming one last parting…

There’s this old knock knock joke I heard as a kid that I really love. It goes something like this: “Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “There’s a boy.” “There’s a boy, who?” “There’s a boy who’s on a playground. He sees his classmates going down the slide, but he’s too scared…