Avoiding a Fight
What lessons can be learned?
Warning; Strong, crude language.
I barely avoided a fight today. This post is an attempt to process what happened.
The Set Up
I finished a marathon session of morning work and decided to walk over to the grocery store to get more oatmeal. After making my purchase, I walked to the public patio next door to sit outside and read. I chose a couch in the shade with no one nearby.
I pulled out my book and opened to chapter 12.
The Confrontation
Five minutes passed, then a man walked up and sat in the chair directly beside me. I noticed his stare and proximity, but thought nothing of it and continued to read.
Two more minutes passed.
Suddenly, he yelled right into my ear “Get your fucking foot off the table!”
I looked at him bewildered, lowering my book. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Get your fucking foot off the table asshole.”
I looked at my feet, which were propped on the side of the low table. After a moment, I lowered my feet to the ground, trying to figure out what was going on. “Why are you talking to me like this?”
“Because you’re a disrespectful piece of shit. Fuck you”
I bristled. Yes, maybe it was rude to be putting my feet up like I had been, but this reaction was way over the top.
“Alright, don’t talk to me like that,” I snapped back.
“Don’t talk to me like that,” he mimicked in a high pitched squeal.
“What is your problem?”
“What’s your problem,” he repeated again.
“Dude, you need to settle down.”
“I’m not going to settle down. Fuck you, faggot!” he then uttered a phrase in a language I did not recognize. It sounded Mediterranean.
I smirked, “I don’t know what the fuck that means.”
“Fuck you. Look it up.”
I was so confused. What is going on? Did I do something to this guy? Why does he want to fight me?
I took a moment to size him up. White, with dark hair, and some facial hair. Average build, average height. I could probably take this guy, or at least manage a draw.
Then our eyes met. They locked for a good 3–5 seconds. Neither of us said anything. His pupils danced as his head bobbed slightly. I saw someone crazy and not afraid to fight.
I shook my head and offered, “You need help man.” I turned away and tried to pick my book back up.
But he just kept staring at me.
“Fuck you! Stop looking at me.”
“Fuck you! Stop looking at me,” again.
This was not going to end well. And I was getting really mad.
I took another moment to consider my surroundings. I was in a foreign country. Alone (my girlfriend was back at the apartment). Only cops or someone’s unconsciousness would likely end a brawl.
I visualized four outcomes.
- We fight. I win. Then what? No way I escape without some injury.
- We fight. He wins. Obviously, not a good outcome.
- We fight. We draw. Cops show up. I go to jail. Not sure how I’d get out.
- I leave. Unless he jumps me, I get to carry on with my day.
I’m not a particularly religious person, but a verse learned in Sunday school popped in my head.
Turn the other cheek
I turned and quietly repacked my things into my bag. Standing up, I offered once more, “Get some help, man.”
I walked down to the street.
He saw me off with, “That’s right. Walk away, faggot.”
I almost turned around. Better judgement kept my feet moving forward.
Conclusion
This sucked. The whole thing. I’ve been trying all day to make sense of what happened.
Why’d I share this?
- If I was grossly disrespecting a cultural norm (I’m in Chiang Mai, Thailand), then I want to know. It’s weird that it would be so vehemently enforced by a white guy, but I am open-minded to being corrected.
- I have used visualization a lot in my athletic career and only recently began applying to other facets of my life. I think its wise for everyone, particularly for guys, to prepare for these types of scenarios. I got in a fight last year and was lucky no one was seriously hurt. Since that incident, I have been visualizing similar situations and how to diffuse them.
- In hindsight, I’m really glad that did result in a fight. It very easily could have and I hope reading this can prevent at least one future fight.
Have any thoughts on this? I’d love to discuss.
