IDEAS ABOUT GOD
“Why the long face, Lexi? You haven’t said 3 words since you got in the car.”
“Nothing, Mom.”
“Com’on. Bad day at school?”
No answer.
“Lex?”
No answer.
“Okay, well, I’m listening if you want to talk.”
Silence.
“Do you want to skip soccer practice today?”
“No. Well…I don’t know.” Sigh. “Maybe.”
“You decide. Just let me know by the time we get to the Walgreens.”
Silence. A tear. Two tears.
“Sweetie?”
“I don’t want to go.” Sniff
“Okay, let’s go home. Do you want to stop anywhere on the way?”
“No…Mom?”
“Yup.”
“Do we believe in God?”
“Huh?”
“Jaycee says I’m going to hell because we don’t go to church.”
“Oh.” Puzzlement. Anger. Caution.
“…and I can’t get into heaven.”
“Well.”
Silence.
Deep breath. “First of all, Jaycee is a jerk.”
“Mmm. I know.”
“Secondly, going to church has nothing to do with believing in God.”
“Do we believe in God?”
“That’s something everyone has to decide for themselves.”
“How will I know?”
“You’ll know, maybe when you’re a little older and you know more about religion.”
Silence.
“You know a lot of stories from the bible. So you know a little bit about God.”
Silence.
“What did you say to Jaycee?”
“Nothing.”
“Oh, Honey, you don’t have to decide whether you believe in God in the first grade. You have plenty of time.”
“But how will I know?”
“Well. We could just make it a point to talk about it more and when you are ready, you’ll know.”
“If I don’t, will I go to hell?”
“Some religions say there is a heaven and a hell. But nobody really knows.”
“Do you believe in heaven?”
Extreme caution. “I think so. But no one can ever be sure. It’s just a feeling I have.”
“Jaycee says David is gonna go to hell because he’s Jewish.”
“Jeez. Jaycee is really a jerk, huh?”
“Mmm.”
“What did David say?”
“He said Jaycee’s Dad is going to hell for…for being a drunk.”
“Oh. Well, I promise you, no one in your class is going to hell. Jaycee is just wrong.”
Silence.
“Did Jaycee say anything else.”
“Yeh, he says a lot of things. I don’t know. It makes me mad.”
“Yeh, me too. So what do we do when we get mad?”
“We give understanding”
“Right!”
Forced sigh. “But…”
“But, what?”
“I don’t understand.”
“So let’s get some together.”
“Yeh. Okay.”
“What do you want to know? Do you want to know if I believe in God?”
“Yeh.”
“I think I do. But not in the same way that Jaycee’s mom believes in God.”
“Huh?”
“I don’t think you find God in church, I think you find God in your heart and in other people. My God is in you…and Cory…and Josie.”
“Mom! Don’t be silly, Josie is a cat!”
“Yup. God is part of every living thing. God is the part of us that makes us nice to each other.”
“And the Devil makes us mean?”
“That’s a whole ‘nother question.”
“Is God in Donald Trump? Cuz’ Cory says Donald Trump hates everyone.”
“Mmm. Your big sister might have a point, but… who knows? I’m sure God is a little bit in Mr. Trump too, but let’s not mix politics and religion.”
“Huh?” Shrugs. “Ok.”
“So. I think God is a different idea for everyone, and no one really knows. The Bible gives people a lot of ideas about God, but even all the people who read the Bible don’t agree. That’s why there is so many different religions and churches.”
Pondering.
“And there are different Bibles, too, so that’s even more churches and more ideas about God.”
Pondering. Wheels spinning.
“And some people believe that if you don’t agree with their same idea about God, you’re wrong.”
“And you can’t get to Heaven?”
“Right! No! I mean, that’s what they think, but I don’t think it’s right. I think if there is a heaven, anyone can go.”
Pondering. “Josie too.”
“Yup.”
“Good.”
“Does that help?”
“Yeh. I think I have an idea.”
“About God?”
“No, about giving my understanding to Jaycee.”
“Good, Kid! So. I think I have an idea, too.”
“About God?
“No, about ice cream!”
Laughs. Smiles.
“Yes?”
“Yes, please!”