Rawness- The Bridge to Deeper Intimacy
Sorry I have not written anything recently .😬😁
Forewarning this post is going to be raw and extremely personal.
Tonight I was slapped into reality- almost literally. No, not by my husband. But it was about my husband. And it was something that I so needed to hear.
Wives/mamas, I think that sometimes we get scared to share our “all” with our husbands. And when I say all I don’t mean physically. I mean emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. We get scared that they have too much on their plates and that they wouldn’t want to us to tell them literally EVERYTHING. So therefore, we don’t tell them what’s hurting us. When they ask, “Is everything ok?” or “Are you ok?” We say, “yes” because we don’t want to add to their stress or for them to have something else to worry about. This past week has not been peachy for me by any means of the word. Dealing with relationships that have, unfortunately, taught me gut wrenching lessons. And tonight, instead of church being soothing and comforting, it was the exact opposite. It just fueled the fire of hurt, anger, and bitterness welling up inside of me. I came home but was not at all happy to do so. My sweet cousin and darling husband were sitting at our table and knew immediately that I was in a monstrous mood. Tonight was a true eye opener for me. And as the three of us sat at the table my sweet cousin made a statement that really struck me. She said, “What hurt you hurts your husband. And he wants to know what is hurting you.” She said numerous of other things but that is what was like a punch in the stomach to me.
My hubby has recently asked, “Is everything ok?”numerous times and I had, more times than not; said “yes”. And anyone who knows my husband knows he is no fool; so therefore, he knew I and everything was not at all ok. But he just quietly said, “ok”. And left it at that. With all that our family is going through right now I didn’t want to add to his stress level and I knew he certainly did not need someone else to worry about.
I had always heard wives talk about this but never really thought about it for me. It’s true, ladies, we do tend to bottle everything up because we don’t want to stress/worry our honeys. But what we don’t realize is that we add to their worry and stress when we don’t give them all of our hearts. Yes, that includes our hurts and anger. As you may remember, we said for better and for worse, and that means EVERYTHING! The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Our babies (husbands) need us to trust them enough and that reassures them that everything is ok even if it is not. Two is always better than one. Our sweethearts worry more when we do not say anything and put on our infamous facades. I never realized that it actually hurts Chaise when I don’t but when my cousin was talking she told me to look into my husband’s face and I did. It devastated me . The pain in his face that I was not openly saying, “Yes, I am hurting” was enough to move me to tears. To be quite honest, it did. I felt terrible about how he just wants to share the bad as well as the good with me but I was not allowing him that.
No, it will not be easy. No, it will not be pretty. Will I do it? Absolutely because I know my Chaise is in it forever with me. As am I with him. And together through the mountains as well as the valleys we as our family will choose JOY.