Good person, Bad person.
“In this world of black and white, there are many greys and you are just another grey patch.”
In primary two, your social studies teacher said there are two kinds of people — good and bad. She then explains how you can identify them; good people do good things, bad people do bad things. Easy. She draws a table listing some associated words that can help you identify the dichotomy of people. Kind, help, happy under good, then wicked, destroy, sad under bad. “Your kind mum helped you to wash your clothes and now you’re happy’’, “your wicked aunt destroyed your toy and now you’re sad’’. The two sentences she wrote on the board help you understand better. The resultant feeling you get from people’s actions determines the kind of person they are. You are a smart child.
After school, you and Sanya, your classmate, are headed home. You discuss today’s class and both of you begin to classify people into good and bad. In her right hand is a plush rabbit toy she carries everywhere she goes. You know the toy because it was bought from your mum’s shop but what is more noticeable is the scar on her left hand. She stretches her left hand to your face and says ‘’my daddy did this to me; he’s a bad man. He beats my mum too’’. You are aware her dad is not so nice. You don’t say anything. Maybe out of courtesy, you didn’t want to say anything about her parents. You quickly say ‘’Mr. Adebowale is a good man’’ to dismiss the awry silence. This seems to you an undeniable statement. Asides the sweets and change you’ve gotten from him yourself, Mr. Adebowale, a rich man in your community has been extremely generous to everyone around him. The entire community can attest to his benevolence. You were expecting Sanya to affirm your statement but she repays you with your initial silence. Your path soon divulge and you wave one another goodbye.
As you are headed home, You remember one hot afternoon. Sanya’s Dad is clearing a portion of land opposite your mum’s shop. Sanya is from a not-so-wealthy home, so her father relies on various menial jobs like clearing land on demand to provide for his family. You are seated in your mum’s shop so you see him get paid 200 naira after completing his work. He drags his lanky frame and sunken eyes to your mother’s shop and gives you the 200 naira for a loaf of bread. He hands you an extra 20 naira for sachet water. As you go and get those things, he asks- “how much is this rabbit baby?’’, “220 naira sir’’ you reply. He asks that you bring the toy instead. That was a kind thing to do you believe. But you also acknowledge that what he did to Sanya’s hand was a wicked thing. Now you mutter to yourself “where does Sanya’s Dad fall under the table- good or bad?’’. That will be your first ever challenge in social studies.
Some months have passed since your social studies class. You’re informed of Mr. Adebowale’s murder. Even more shocking is that Sanya’s dad was the murderer. They said Sanya’s Dad wanted to rob him, some said he was prompted by jealousy. In any case, Sanya’s Dad was also lynched for the murder of a good man. You also agree that in such cases justice should descend immediately. Now you’ve resolved your challenge in social studies — Sanya’s Dad was a bad man. Not only that, you begin to build on the lesson. “Bad people sometimes do good things. Conversely, good people sometimes do bad things.”
Some ten years later, you are talking to Sanya. Telling her how you do not approve of her aristo lifestyle. You tell her that sleeping with lecturers for grades is a wicked thing to do. That she’s destroying families by sleeping with other people’s husbands. You tell it to her face that she’s a bad person. Good, you remember your social studies classes well. She buries her head in silence. Then she says, all teary eyed with suppressed hiccups, “if my chastity was taken for a couple of sweets, how much more giving it out to secure a better life’’. She then opens up to you about how Mr. Adebowale lured her with sweets and raped her a decade ago. She tells you how her father got to know, and how he swore to take Mr. Adebowale’s life and thereafter kill himself. He fulfilled the first part of his oath; the community fulfilled the second. You are the first and only person she’s told this. You stand in awe of her revelation. Met with the same confusion you felt ten years ago, you say nothing. Social studies is not as easy as you thought.
Two years later, life isn’t so rosy for you. You lost your Dad and fending for yourself has been really difficult. Kola, your old schoolmate and friend, has always had your back. Providing you with your needs at your direst moments. He’s a yahoo boy — an internet fraudster. Though yahoo is a bad thing, kola is a good guy. A good guy who sometimes does bad things. He runs a non-profit football academy, inspiring little kids to chase their dreams while keeping them off the streets. He feeds them, clothes them and even offers them education. You go to his house in need of his help. Like usual, he has your back. He says he will be willing to show you the way rather than this change he’s handing to you. He says he would take you to one Baba’s place tomorrow. You’re not totally convinced. He tells you this is an opportunity to make your late father proud, to do good to the society as well. You reluctantly accept. He tells you you’re a good man.
You are on your bed; you want to sleep. But sleep does not want you. All these years of suppressed thoughts begin to surface. You think about your Dad — was he a good man? He gave his all to his family, fed you and your siblings, clothed you and your siblings, and saw you and your siblings through school; those are really good things. You also remember that one time someone came knocking on your door begging for food and your Dad just slams the door in his face — that’s sort of a bad thing. Was he a bad man for that? “NO! we have to weigh the good and the bad, if the good outnumbers the bad then he’s a good man”. Makes sense. You’re building on your classes again. “Besides many of us were living hand-to-mouth in the community except maybe Mr.Adeb…” Yes Mr. Adebowale. Mr. Adebowale fed people, paid their debts, paid the school fees of children around, dug wells around the community, sponsored marriages, was polite to everyone. Although he raped Sanya as a child, following your new thought up principle, he is a good man. A good man that sometimes did bad things. Isn’t he? “HE CAN’T BE” you reckon. What about the community? What kind of people are they for killing Sanya’s dad? For avenging a rapist? For avenging their benefactor?. No answers to that. “What about kola?” You begin to think “He helps a lot of kids around. But by stealing from some other”. I guess they cancel one another out. But he has decided to help you destroy some other people’s lives. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Help. Destroy. Your brain is tired and you fall asleep.
Tomorrow is here. You grab your hoodie and you are headed to Kola’s place. For some reason, you do not enter through the front gate but through the back gate. You knock on his door. Takes a while before the door opens, and when it does, you see Sanya. She’s shocked seeing you, and so are you. She bashfully picks up her heels and walks out, leaving you at the door. Kola bids her goodbye. She hurriedly walks away and does not reply. Kola invites you in and tells you he wasn’t expecting you this early. You’re wondering what those two were doing together but you quickly dismiss it — after all, they are old schoolmates. You sit on the couch. In front of you is a table littered with bottles and a corkscrew. He sits by your side, you turn, facing him. “you see that girl, she was our old schoolmate, Sanya, do you remember her?” you do not reply. He didn’t seem to be expecting a reply as well. “I should let you know the nature of things at Baba side. You have a good heart but you need to have a strong heart to see Baba” he begins. “that girl that left just now, she be empty shell”. Puzzled by what he said, you ask “what do you mean by empty shell?”. “You will soon understand. To achieve great things you need to sacrifice small things. The things I do for the boys at the academy are the great things, not this apartment, not the clothes or the blings or the bottles” he says gesturing at the bottles in front of you. “And that girl is one of the small sacrifices. Do you understand me?”. You are speechless, entirely repulsed by what he has said. He notices as well. “I know you are pure. In fact, That’s why I’m telling you all these. I’m sure you are willing to do even greater things than me. But you’ll have to make sacrifices. Shebi you saw that girl? From what you saw is that a good person? One who is so greedy and selfish that they would sell their self-worth? Even God would not be angry at that. She’s a bad person don’t you agree?”. You nod in affirmation “yes, she’s a bad person”. You reach for the corkscrew, clench it in your fist. “I know you are not one who drinks…” kola was saying before you jab the corkscrew against his throat. There’s blood everywhere. You’ve killed kola. This is bad.
You don your hood and sneak out of his apartment. You head into the bathroom as soon as you get to your home. You run the tap, washing the blood off your hands. Your heart is in your mouth. You pinch your hand and try to wake yourself to reality but alas, this is reality. You killed someone. You stare at the mirror and your reflection stares back. For the first time in your life you wonder if you are a good person or a bad person. You reminisce on all your past actions. You only need think back a little, then will you realize that you stood in some people’s lives as a villain, other times as a hero with valor, swinging from one side of the scale to the other. But those moments you occasionally sling to the bad side of the moral-scale, you say they do not define you — they are only fragments of your life not the whole picture. In your defense, you were presented with a unique set of circumstances. But this narrative always only applies to you, not to others. You think of the consequences of your action — the women you would have helped save from the hands of kola and the kids you would have destroyed their chance at a better life. “Where do I fall — Good or Bad? it doesn’t always have to be a dichotomy. You settle for victim.
