“I Love You”

When is the last time you spent time with you?

Have you said “I love you” today? Ok, great — so you told your mom or dad, your significant other, your child…wait, what’s that? You even told your sidepiece? I’m gonna act like I didn’t hear that ;-) More importantly though, have you said “I Love You”…to you? Look me straight in my eye and tell me the truth. Have you?

It’s funny you know — this whole ‘self-love’ concept. I never knew how important it was and never put so much thought in it, because to me, it’s natural. I mean I think I’m pretty, intelligent, life-of-the-party, hilarious (no, seriously I have jokes FOR DAYS!), creative, loyal, friendly, etc — so that means I automatically love me, right? Ehhh…not so much. Those are characteristics of me as a person, and compliments I receive from other people, but that really has nothing to do with my innerworkings, the time I take out to “love on me”, and how capable I am of spreading/sharing that love with others.

Truth is, up until about a year or so ago, I wasn’t always giving myself the love that I should have. Yes, I was finishing grad school, working 2 jobs, traveling, job/car/house, always out with friends, living life, but I really didn’t take the time to enJOY (see what I did there?) Karissa. My “love” was consistenly given to other people, but not as much to me, being what I needed. Then, life decided to slap me in the face, tell me to have a seat —- and I did just that.

I remember when I first started spending time with “me”, and I constantly looked at my phone, checking Twitter, or Instagram…waiting for a text message response, not understanding that I was defeating my purpose of my alone time. The outside world had become more important than myself. That was a problem. I’m convinced that part of the reason I didn’t want to spend time with me, was because I’m an overthinker, and I was scared that I would drive myself bonkers thinking of this, that, and the third. Then, picking myself apart about what I haven’t done yet. Fear.

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”
― C.G. Jung

On top of that, I am extremely hard on myself — despite what the outside world thinks. I smile, I laugh, and I joke…but many times I find myself doubting my ability/talent, frustrated with things not happening “right now”, and worrying about tomorrow.

“I am my own biggest critic. Before anyone else has criticized me, I have already criticized myself. But for the rest of my life, I am going to be with me and I don’t want to spend my life with someone who is always critical. So I am going to stop being my own critic. It’s high time that I accept all the great things about me.”
― C. JoyBell C.

So, that “me” time, did not start off easy. Like…not at all. Even meditating started off being a task. I found myself drifting away, and a mind full of thoughts I couldn’t silence to just breathe…just be. Slowly, but surely…I’ve gotten better.

Had life not slapped me around and called me Susan, I’m pretty sure I would still be as I was over a year ago. Not taking care of me on the inside, while smiling on the outside. I was saying “I Love You” — but not to the person in the mirror…not when she needed to hear it most, and not as frequently as she needed to be reminded.

“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.”
― C. JoyBell C.

Today, I began a 90-day Self-Care Challenge. A beautiful soul from IG — ‘Coach D’ @freespiritcoachd32 has created a challenge where each day you do three things that direct your attention to taking care of self. Record what you have done, to see your progress, and share with yourself how it made you feel. Just so you know I’m not faking I’ll tell you my three:

1. Meditated EARLY this morning — wee hours of the AM
2. Stayed home, laid around, relaxed, no outside pressures from anything
3. Sketched/designed for one of my dear soul’s project, that will hopefully also promote my new art business

See how easy that was? They were all free, and it was just me! I’m excited and blessed to be a part of this challenge, as I know firsthand the importance of making sure Karissa is okay, making sure I love on her. If you’re interested in joining with Coach D & I in this “loving on you” challenge please visit her IG — follow her — and email her at: healinghearts83@gmail.com. She does wonderful work, and you’ll love yourself for it. (See, I told you I was funny)

I know some of this is easier said than done. Some of you may experience the fear of “just me” time, just as I did, but it gets better. You are a beautiful being. You are unique. You are your best winner, and you are loved. If you haven’t told yourself “I love you” today, get up, run to the mirror and say it twice (b/c I only like even numbers)…and if you’re too lazy to get up, just use your selfie camera ( I won’t even call you a lazy bum today cuz it’s Friday, and I know you worked hard) Look at you, and tell you how important you are to this world, and that this universe’s puzzle would be incomplete without your piece…your peace.

“The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too! When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself.What kind of person do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it’s your responsibility to be that person you want to be with. I know I want to spend my life with a person who knows how to let things go, who’s not full of hate, who’s able to smile and be carefree. So that’s who I have to be.”
― C. JoyBell C